Madonna & Me

Ahhh..... that collective sigh you hear from across the nation right now is that of gay men and Madonna fans (which, admittedly, are mostly the same crowd) after repeated listening of her new album, 'Confessions on a Dance Floor'. She leads it off with the stomping first single 'Hung Up' that infectiously samples ABBA, and keeps that tempo straight through 12 tracks. I hear influence from her entire catalogue here (Is that 'Burning Up' I hear in 'Sorry'? 'Papa Don't Preach' in 'Let It Will Be'? 'Secret' in 'Isaac'? Awesome!) and am very satisfied with the collection. (Well, mostly-- does she really feel like a dork when she's not in 'New York'?) Matt wrote earlier about 'daring' her to return to her provocative days with her next release and although there is nothing earth-shattering on it and I don't think the pope will be upset by anything in this release, its a welcome sign to see her delivering such a top-notch dance album.

I've loved her since hearing 'Holiday' on the radio on the way to the YMCA one afternoon (I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday but I remember exactly where I was in 1983 when I heard that track???) and thinking that the DJ said the singer's name was Macdonna. As with any gay man my age, her influence on my life has been pretty huge, so with that, I present my top 5 Madonna moments:

Material Girl video
Ahh, 1984-- Swim team and stickers took up most of my time, but I was also beginning to discover music. One of the best parts of going to visit my Dad every other weekend was that he had cable (we didn't get it at home until 1987!). Once we got to his house, I would bolt back to my room, turn on MTV, and be glued to the tube pretty much the whole time I was visiting. And there she was, in that iconic pink dress, singing about cold hard cash, and being carried around by a host of handsome men. Although I would be years off from understanding that those guys probably had something to do with my interest, this would remain my favorite video and song for many years to come.

Vouge
Vouge came out the summer of 1990 as we all turned 16 and my group of friends was discovering the level of freedom having cars afforded us. Whether it was going to the mall, seeing a movie or just hanging at a house, we pretty much had something to do every night that summer. One warm night, we were all packed in my car (aka "the Party Max") on the way to a carnival and stuck in traffic, inching along to get a parking spot in the field next to the firehouse. I'll never forget blasting the song over and over with my friends Bethany and Tracy hanging out of my sunroof vouging, while the rest of us in the car laughed and danced along. Years later at Bethany's wedding, she would request this song, we'd all dance to it and laugh like we were 16 all over again.

Erotica Album
The fall of 1992 had me leaving the comforts of home for the 'big city' of Pittsburgh and college. One of my first days at school, I went out wondering around the city, admiring the tall buildings and verve of the city streets, and happened upon a large record store. This was a far cry from the small shop in the mall where I grew up and I was immediately engrossed-- a forerunner to the hours I now spend in Virgin Mega-Stores and on iTunes. I bought 'Erotica' that day and although it was mostly panned by critics, it quickly became my favorite release of hers to date, and accompanied me on many long drives back and forth between Pittsburgh and Hanover. The album had it all-- the sexy and frosty sounds of title track, 'Bye Bye Baby' and 'Words'; the twirling highs of 'Fever' and 'Deeper and Deeper'; the button-pushing of 'Where Life Begins' and of course, the soulful depths of 'Bad Girl' and 'Rain'. It reminds me of a big time in transition in my life and I think still stands as her most balanced album.

Ray of Light
How can you not love this song? Combined with the video, this was Madonna returning to her roots and showing us all how it's done. (Parallels could certainly be drawn with this and 'Confessions') But it's a little thing that endears this song to me. Remember the hip movements she makes in the video when she sings 'Earth shall be as one...'? When I first met Christian in the spring of 1998, this song was huge, and one night just a few days into our relationship, we were out at a club, the song came on, and we laughingly mimicked the move. It became an inside joke between us and ended up on the CD we gave out at our wedding because of the joke. So every time I hear the song, I think of being young, falling in love, and Christian. In other words, exactly what great music should do.

'Music' Remix
So she was popular again, and she kept the good times rolling in 2000 with the release of 'Music'. We were keeping the good times rolling as well, as we were knee deep in the days of experiencing what it meant to be young and gay in a big city. Nation was the club we hit most often, and it was of the warehouse mega-club variety, where anyone who was anyone was there pretty much every Saturday night, or so we thought. One of the two or three biggest remixers of the time, Hex Hector, did a mix of the song that played off the good time lyrics 'Music... makes the people... come together...' and had some serious peaks and valleys to the beats. Whatever DJ was playing the club always seemed to play this mix at the 'right time' to get the crowd in a frenzy and send the fun factor into the stratosphere. We still go out dancing from time to time and certainly still have our share of fun, but this mix reminds me of many of those crazyawesome nights when many of the best friendships that I still have today were being forged under that giant disco ball at Nation.

So I'll keep listening to 'Confessions' and reflect over the good times her music has brought me over the years. Where will the next significant Madonna-moment be for me? I don't know, but I'm just glad she's back to making the good times music she does so well.

Logistics, Pinor Noir and Such

Anyone who knows me and Christian knows that he's the organizer and I'm.... not. We jokingly refer to me as 'the idea guy' who might say something crazy like 'We should go to Hawaii for a week', but then the next day, Christian will have multiple flight itineraries and hotel options to select from. Our wedding was a perfect illustration of this-- although I had a lot of grand ideas (it should be black-tie elegant.... we should have a martini bar..... we should have lots of color... and of course I don't want a seated buffet dinner......), if it hadn't been for all of the hours of work Christian put in, we probably would have had our commitment celebration on the back porch of our house in DC with catering from McDonald's.

From time to time, we'd have an argument about it or two, but my rationale was always something along the lines of 'but you LIKE to plan, and I don't, so doesn't it work in the end?' Details were never really my strength, and since someone else was so ready to take care of it, I just stepped back.

However, in a strange turn of events, or perhaps a bit of growing up on my part, I've taken over the role of 'Logistics Man', as I call it, of late, and I'm beginning to see what the fun of it all is. It started this summer when Christian went to New York for his internship and he told me he was frightened that they would shut off the electricity at the house because I would forget to pay the bill or they would foreclose the house because I would forget to pay the mortgage. But the summer passed without incident, including multiple travel plans I had to execute, and I was getting the hang of this stuff. But a big test came last weekend-- our best friends Phil and Ted were visiting from DC, Christian was totally socked in with school work, and Matt and Michael were going to be out of town, so who was left to make a plan for their visit? Especially for Phil, who effortlessly orchestrates rafting and ski trips for over 75 people?!!! Never fear, Logistics Man is here!

There are few things I like more than getting together good friends of mine who have never met before. It's something about the mixture of people who know me from different walks of my life and seeing what happens when they get blended together that really gives me a charge. And what better way to do that than to rent a limo and take a tour up to wine country?

Starting with the two of us and Phil and Ted, we asked Kevin and Juan to join, since they knew P&T from DC. Then to raise the interest factor just a bit more, we threw in our some our best-loved SF buds, Titus and Maria. I was pretty sure it was going to be fun, but you never know how these things will turn out-- will it be legendary fun or will there be a steely silence like at those family reunions when Uncle Larry tells the same joke he's been telling for 20+ years?

I'm happy to report all went well. We paid visit to three different wineries on our 6-hour tour and with the 'you can't sit in the same seat you did in the limo before' rule, a continual mixture of new and old friends sat next to each other. A flow of wine and fun, emotional, and silly stories filled the limo. As you can see from the picture, everyone ended up integrating nicely and it was really a great day for all involved.

As much fun as it all was, the continual 'thank you's' from people I love were even more sweet-- after all, without Logistics Man, we may well have ended up hanging out at the McDonald's all day! I'm getting that its not only the fact that you get to enjoy stuff you plan, you also get to see people you care about it enjoy and know that you helped make it happen.

I'm sure that once school settles down a bit for Christian, he will resume wanting to plan things, which will be great. But it's nice to know, if I need to, I can reach into the closet, dust off that "LM" cape, and feel confident to plan things as well.

Reason Number: Yahoo!

Many of our friends know about a sweet little 'game' C & I play, called 'Reason Number'. The way it works is one of us says 'reason number' and the other than thinks of a reason why he loves the other, the idea being that there are SO MANY reasons why, there's always something new to say. Yes, it's sappy and all of that, but it works for us and is something we've been doing pretty much as long as we've been together. (Astute guests to our wedding would have seen it in our cleverly placed in the invitations)

However, as much as I love Christian, I feel the need to write about Yahoo!, where I work, and the multitude of reasons why I like being there. But it's way more than I originally thought after quitting my job and moving across country to start my job in less than a week last summer. Paying for us to move to a place like here in the Bay Area where we had wanted to live for quite awhile indebted me to the company from the first minute I started. Yes, there is no dress code, so I can wear the proverbial shorts (which I rarely do) and flip-flops (which I always do) each day to work. I get to work around some of mad talented designers, engineers and product managers that help create all of the cool stuff you see on the site, and be on the inside track of all the amazing things happening inside the company, playing with the products before they get launched. At a more basic level, coming from working at a bankrupt airline that kept cutting salaries and benefits, having basics like stable benefits and feeling confident that I will be rewarded for my efforts is nice. The free gym is pretty nice too, and I've been able to take advantage of that much more over the last 6 months. And all of that is, as expected, truly wonderful.

But it's the much smaller things that really get me. The company really tries to make life as good as possible for us Yahoos, as we're called. Things like every Tuesday, there is an RV that rolls up on to campus offers haircuts and on Wednesday, the same set-up for a dentist. I don't know about you, but those two items are some of the things I hate doing most, so being able to get up from my chair and be at the appointment 2 minutes later, have it be done and back in my chair 2 minutes after that is pretty darn nifty. There's a free soda fountain in each building and in the cafeteria- where they have both Coke and Pepsi, to please everyone. It seems not a month goes by where I don't come in and some random, cool tsatske is on my desk promoting an upcoming event. Tomorrow is 'Oktoberfest', and today we got a glass stein, so you can probably figure out what will be served. Awesome! But it was an event last week that really prompted me to write. As you can see in the picture, in effort to promote a partnership between Y! Photos and Target, "Bullseye", was brought on to campus. (Although a little secret-- his real name was Buddy!) But of course, its not enough for them just to have him there-- there was a line-up to receive an exquisitely-designed gift bag with a stuffed version of Bullseye in it, the chance to get your photo with him, and then the next day, the printed photo was available for pick-up. Holy cow, how do they even think of this stuff, much less do it??

This isn't to say life's a dream at Y!, because it's not. Just like anywhere else, there's office politics, late hours, and deadlines that come too soon. But unlike anywhere else, they bring the freaking Target dog on campus! And that's the latest reason number why I love being a Yahoo.

Emerald City Report

C and I spent the past weekend in Seattle and here's a report:

• The view from the top of the Space Needle is a lot better when it's clear. I was in Seattle a few years ago and it was cloudy, but I insisted on going to the top because damn it, I was in Seattle and wanted to do it. No surprise, I couldn't really see anything from the top. But we had great weather this time and saw some amazing views (but sadly, no Mt. Rainier).
• It could be because we live in a place that hasn't seen rain since April, but there was greenery everywhere in Seattle! From all the different fir trees on the drive in, everything just felt so alive. I liked it.
  
• We had some TREMENDOUS meals. From a random BBQ place we found for lunch and a cute place in Capitol Hill (the gay neighborhood in Seattle) we had for dinner, the service and food was all top-notch. But, if you're ever in Seattle, don't miss Dahlia Lounge, right downtown. It had great ambiance, terrific food and service, but the best was saved for last: it's a fancy place, but on the dessert menu was *made to order doughnuts*. We order them, and about 10 minutes later, the waiter comes out with a paper bag, shakes it up, rips it open and places six warm pastries with a side of strawberry jam and vanilla spread. I have one word: divine.
• Not that I didn't know this before, but I don't like buses. Especially when we're the 7th of 8 stops. Living in enviro-friendly CA has helped me get over my general aversion to all modes of public transport, but buses are where I draw the line. If you're ever on vacation with me, please note.
  
• Although it's over-run with tourists, Pikes Market is actually kinda neat. We got to see the people throw the fish back and forth and although kitschy, it was fun. Also saw some amazingly beautiful flowers that we wish we could find here-- see a photo of the dahlias.
• The Amazon headquarters building is really cool looking. So is the Seattle Public Library.
  
• We went to see the Seahawks (that's the NFL football team for my gay readers) play at Qwest Field, which has some stunning views of the city and of the 10 or so places I've seen NFL games at, is far and away the best. We got to see the far out Grambling St. band perform at halftime and the Seahawks ended up holding on for the victory, 21-18. Go Hawks!
• It had been a really long time since Christian and I had a weekend where we were both exploring a new city for the first time, and weren't meeting friends or family on the trip, and it was awesome. From walking all over the city, shopping, all the great meals, hanging in our hotel room, shopping and lastly to the football game, it was all wonderful to be there and experience it all with him. After 7+ years, there's no one I'd rather spend my time with, no matter where I am.
  

Make Mine a Royale with Cheese

I'm pretty addicted to music. I especially like electronic music that finds ways to twist the same ol' thump-a-thump into something unexpected, but have also been trying to dig more into rock and country as of late. Today I log-on to Y! Music Unlimited and am presented with a smorgasboard of recommended albums based from my ratings of other songs and albums I've listened to and was pleasantly surprised that of the 30 or so suggested, I hadn't heard of a good 20 of them. So how do I choose what to listen to? Nothing scientific-- if I like the name of the group, or the cover art, I go for it. (Once again, I must sing the praises of the online subscription-based music service-- any music fans out there, please do yourself a favor and get hooked up with one of them NOW!)

The recommendations included acts named M83, Super Furry Animals, Cosmic Gate, Supergrass, Elbow and Casting Crows-- who are these people? I dunno yet, but I'll be sure to report back. Presented with a plethora of groovy-sounding names, I settled on a group called Mint Royale, selected simply because I loved Samuel L Jackson's line from Pulp Fiction where he talks about what they call a Big Mac in Amsterdam-- a Royale with Cheese. Plus the cover art featured two space men-looking things on a pink background. Good enough.

You ever listen to an album for the first time and just can't believe how good it is? I've now listened to their latest album, 'See You in the Morning' 4 times since 4P this afternoon. They combine elements of house, funk, dancehall, and a bit of ethereal vocals into an intoxicating mix of sounds I can't get enough of. Imagine a more soulful Deep Dish. A less breathy Delerium. A sexier Dubtribe Sound System. Stir, and dig it.

Research turns up they are a pair of blokes from the UK (of course) who met at a party held by Jockey Slut magazine-- good things HAD to come from that. They mixed some songs in the late 90s and got picked up by notable DJs across the pond like Pete Tong and Boy George. This new album is their 3rd, and by my intense sampling of this one and brief listens of the other 2, the most balanced and mature. (Again, love that a subscription service enables this quick discovery and sampling)

These songs begged to be remixed and I found that the first single of this album, 'Wait for You' apparently already has few mixes out there. My favorite is track #9, the title track 'See You in the Morning'--I can only hope that will be the next single and find its way into capable remixer's hands. The song takes me to one of my more recent happy memories-- perched up on a hill overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge and Pacific Ocean with some of my best pals here in SF, and of course, I hadn't even heard it yet then! Don't you love it when music does that? I think that's one of the reasons I love music so much-- a simple song can take you back to a certain place or time in an instant. Like last night, the Cars 'Lets Go' comes on and I'm taken back to the drive to my senior prom singing the song out loud in my mom's car with my date and friends. I literally can see my date's (hideous) red dress moving as she happily danced in her seat to it and sang 'She got wonderful eyes... and a wrist and mouth...'. Or how our wedding song, Sister Hazel's 'Ceriline' can still make me cry like I did when it was the last song played that night. And so on--good stuff.

Just when I think there's no new sounds to find out there, here comes Mint Royale. Check 'em out... and go ahead, make it with cheese.

Playing a Good (Dirty) Game

I recently read about this site-- KnowThyNeighbor.org, a deliciously devilish activist twist using the internet around the gay marriage debates. Being part of a happy, healthy relationship for 7+ years now that has included a commitment ceremony with 150 friends and family in 2001, getting a civil union in the basement of a town hall in Vermont in 2002, and (by total chance-- or not...) being in San Francisco last year for the Valentines Day weddings has made the gay marriage issue essential to me. As I hope most people know, the Massachusetts Supreme Court ruled last year that denying gay people the ability to marry simply because of the sex of their selected spouse was unconstitutional, and the state shortly thereafter became the first state in the country to allow marriage for same-sex couples. (The California legislature also recently passed a bill allowing same-sex marriages, but our governor, given the ruin the rest of his administration is currently in, is too much of a 'girly-man' to sign.)

'We' (the same-sex marriage proponents) try to take the high road as much as possible. We try to talk about love and commitment, holding up all of the wonderful examples of lesbian couples who have been together for 50+ years, same-sex couples who have opened their homes to adopted children, and the other wonderful and varied family types that make up the community. We try to have rational discussions around why tax-paying American couples like Christian and I should be allowed to be recognized by our government in the same way any old straight couple is, and the 1000+ benefits marriage brings couples that we miss out on-- mundane things like tax filings, hospital visitation, Social Security, etc. We try to stress that it isn't about taking anyone's benefits away, but opening the opportunity to many additional couples who crave the social significance the institution has, and who would try to preserve its importance. And we stress this isn't about religion--churches can decide who they marry and who they don't. We say it's about fair and equal access to the same things most people take for granted-- what could be more American than that?

And all the while, 'they' (the same-sex marriage opponents) pull out as many outrageous and 'dirty' scare tactics as possible. They use imagery and words that conjure up old pedophilic stereotypes. Bible phrases are flung around about Soddom and Gomorrah and people hold protest posters saying catchy, if empty, statements like 'God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve'. They say things like we want to wreck the 2000+ years of ground the institution of marriage is based upon and that if we are allowed to get married, then why not allow people to marry their family members, someone who is already married, or, *gasp* their dogs? It's almost like the two sides are talking about two entirely different issues.

So that what's so great about this new site. Even though same-sex marriage has been legal for a year now and more than 6000+ same-sex couples have been married, a group of 'they' in MA want to roll back marriage rights, and to do that, they need to circulate around a petition gaining enough signatures to place it on the ballot next fall. So here's where the creativity comes in-- the petition is public record, so the organizers of knowthyneighbor.org have built a website that allows people to search and see who has signed the petition. Meaning, if friendly neighbor Linda who loves coming over for coffee, appreciates the gardening tips you give and always tells everyone how 'fabulous' her gay neighbors are has signed it, you'll be able to find out and say 'Linda, I thought we were friends, what's the deal?' and so on. It's genius!! In the best case scenario, it affords the opportunity for gay people across MA to engage in dialogue with these people and give them the chance to learn why marriage benefits are so important for the strengthening of families and how all of the strong rhetoric the right is selling is really beside the point. At worst, it embarrasses these people who are selfishly hoarding a benefit all people should have equal access to, and lets us know not to give Linda anymore of those gardening tips.

Is this is a bit of a dirty play? Perhaps, but I'm betting most people signing those petitions might think twice if they think everyone at the PTA might find out about it. And the site is not about ugly name-calling or lost friendships. There's a page that includes 'talking points' which gives a bunch of stats around why same-sex marriages are a good thing, to help people engage in healthy discussions. We can't be afraid to fight fire with fire. As more people see that all we want is the same rights and privileges others have, progress will continue. And if it takes veering just a bit off the high road every now and then to get there, so be it.

Let's Hear it for the Girls (Part 2)

One of the wonders of keeping a blog is you never know who's going to read it and how they might respond. I got an email from one of my dearest friends from college who just so happens to be a woman and she said that her 14-year old stepdaughter told her that she thinks its 'cool' that she has gay friends AND that she and 'now they are on the hunt for that one boy in high school that has yet to "come out" so they can make him their fabulous friend....'

So this is amazing on a couple levels:
1) That a stepmother and daughter can say the word 'gay' out in the open without it being a big deal
2) That a 14 year old thinks its cool her stepmother has gay friends...
3) And she can tell her stepmother she is actively looking for a gay friend, already recognizing how special such a bond can be
4) That this discussion is happening in Pittsburgh, PA

So, a special 'holla!' to my favorite redhead for always being so wonderful for the 12+ years now we've known each other and for sharing this terrific story. It shows that even though some of us may not be on the front lines of the movement every day, living and loving openly can effect unmeasurable people- and finding out about every now and then is just icing on the cake. If this isn't progress, what is?

Let's Hear it for the Girls

Much has been written about the bonds between gay men and straight women. You know, the intimate bonds that derive from a common understanding of what its like to put up with other men's crap, to live in a world that automatically puts you at an underdog status, and of course, the common love of shoes. Lord knows most of us gay guys wouldn't have had any friends in grade and high school without them and many of those girls wouldn't had fun college formal dates who complemented your outfit, liked to dance, and then strangely didn't want to sleep with you afterwards. Although I have had the pleasure of being friends with many wonderful women over the years, I have two stories of amazing women who have strongly influenced me-- one from years ago and one from much more recently.

My best friend from high school is Amy, and she and I instantly became best friends when we randomly sat next to each other at our freshman orientation, held just two days before the first day of 9th grade. As daunting as any freshmen experience is, I had the added pressure of just moving to a new town. Therefore, I was in a new school with new people and was still recovering from a sever neck injury in a car accident that had necessitated me re-learning how to walk and subsequently losing a lot of weight, making me that much more of an awkward 14-year old. (Oh yea, and I was gay in a small town in Pennsylvania) But that didn't matter to Amy, and after giggling our way through that orientation night, we quickly began 'the traditional phone call', talking on the phone for hours on end each night about things only 14 year olds can.

But the cruel reality of being the new kid on the block didn't take long to set in. The intense homophobia of the 14 year old boys started in a matter of days after school started, and before long, everyone started saying I was gay this, gay that... and as much as I wish I would have had the balls or the awareness to come out, that simply wasn't an option that time. (A posting for another time-- my mom finding me in my bedroom during this time sobbing and me telling her it was because everyone thought I was gay....) So do you know what Amy did for me? Despite the fact that there was no romantic inkling between us, we were spending a lot of time together both at and after school, and thus 'the scheme' (as we called it) was born. We would simply tell everyone that we were dating, thereby invalidating the gay rumors and getting the rumor mill to move on to its next target. And you know what? It worked like a charm. No one questioned that we were a couple, and for the most part, the gay rumors subsided.

Years later, she would be the first person I would tell out loud that I was gay, stand up for me in my wedding with Christian, and ask me to be the godfather to her daughter, Riley. It doesn't get any better than that.

Amy and I are still close, but life has certainly taken us in different directions. So that brings me to one of the nicest surprises of 2005 so far-- my best girlfriend here in SF, whose name is Diana. We met through work at Yahoo!, where in a 1-1 meeting we had to introduce ourselves, upon learning that I was gay, promptly told me she wanted a gay best friend so we could shopping together and I could decorate her apartment, etc etc.... As offensive as that may sound to some of you, it was said with a charm and innocence that resonated with me. Of course, I was like 'well, let's have lunch and see where it goes...', not ready to commit to making her over just yet. :-)

That was about 6 months ago, and since then, we've gone from work lunch buddies to happy hours after work to shopping partners on the weekend days to Friday night dinners with my friends to exploring the best SF nightlife has to offer, which has been tremendous. What has been even better than the increasing cross section of our social lives, though, has been the perspective she brings to my life and the great phone conversations we have about the stuff happening in our lives. I'm pretty lucky in that I don't really have much in life to complain about-- but of course, I still do. Tonight I was whining about missing Christian, this being the last week that he is gone before he finally comes home for good. And after making me chuckle at my own babiness, she says to me, 'Ben, instead of being upset about it, how about enjoying the feeling of desire? Knowing that you love him so much and can't wait for him to get back, how about reveling in that feeling, realizing its only temporary and appreciating the intense love that creates that feeling?'

Damn. That's pretty smart. And a way of thinking I really hadn't considered.

So she fits the cliches I had always heard of a best girlfriend to gay guys-- she's gorgeous, smart, funny, and (when prompted) has a great sense of style. But its those nuggets of wisdom that only a woman can bring, and alternatively, the perspective that I help bring to her, that has really made me appreciate her and look forward to the years of friendship that lay ahead.

So as much as I love boys, it's nice to know that there's still room for the ladies. Lets hear it for ya!

Skin is In...

I like being in the know-- being up on the neatest, coolest stuff happening around. And what's better than sharing the cool stuff with other people? So here's a smattering of the things I'm into these days:

Toy: Yahoo! Music Unlimited. It took me forever to get around to do this, but for any music fans out there, please do yourself a favor and sign-up for one of the subscription-based music services. I've discovered more new music in the last month than I have in the last year, and its all becuase as soon as I hear about a band, I can pull up their whole album and listen to it-- without paying (well, of course, there is a small monthly fee, but Yahoo!'s is like $60 for the whole year!) It's nearly rendered my iPod obsolete. Yes, you don't own the music, but you can still download as you like, but now with full knowledge that you actually like the album. Seriously, it rocks and has helped me discover the below bands...

Listen: The Be Good Tanyas-- Beyond the trippy name, they are sort of a modern-day chick Crosby, Stills, & Nash. The music is full of acoustic guitars and nice harmonies that remind you alternative music doesn't necessarily have to be angry. Check out the album, Chinatown, to listen to at when you want to mellow out or for a quiet dinner party. Along similar lines, remember the first time you heard Dido and thought 'gee, here's a nice sound' before you heard all of those songs over and over and over again? Keren Ann's quiet vocals have similar haunting qualities, with a bit of French lyrics thrown in to make it even sexier. Her latest album, Nolita, is perfect for the next romantic dinner you have and is a nice departure from the yawners our other chanteuse favorites have put out lately that will leave your spouse/SO/trick wondering 'where did he find this cool music?'. Aquanote is another recent find. Their album, The Pearl, is a mellow electronic blend that reminds me of Chicane's Behind the Sun, one of my all-time favorite albums. Perfect for pool-side listening as we all soak up the last rays of summer.

SF Groove Scene: Bootie. This is a monthly mash-up party that we checked out this past weekend and it was a blast. The cocktails were flowing, the space was sufficiently dance-able while still maintaining an edge and the crowd was perfectly blended. (Cute gay guys? Check. Hip straight couples? Check. Freaky guy dressed in a white and black striped bodysuit with a mohawk almost as big as him? Check.) Nice. The crowd was into it and Smash-Up Derby, the world's 'only' mash-up band performed.

We heard songs as random as The Beatles v. Gary Newman (Baby You Can Drive My Car v. Cars), Madonna v. Kelis (Holiday v. Milkshake) on to Gwen Stefani v. Cameo (Hollaback Girl v. Word Up) and everything else you couldn't possibly imagine in between. Sweet! Not all of the songs worked great, but try finding a drip of this creativity next time you hear insert random circuit DJ name here. See http://www.bootiesf.com/ for more and see you there next month!

Wear: Modern Amusement. I'd seen this brand in few boutiques here and there over the past few years, but had never bought anything. The clothes are a nice collection of hip, modern lines without being D&G over the top. I picked up a pair of blue seersucker with color stripes earlier this summer and every time I wear them, at least 1 person asks me where I got them. In NYC a few weeks ago, I picked up a pair of brown striped slacks (at my new favorite store - Atrium in Soho-- it rocks!!) that are even better and will be great for fall. Expect to see their little crow logo popping up more and more-- which, of course, if it does too much, I'll promptly stop advocating it.

*Sigh*- that's the curse of sharing too much cool stuff, so that's it from my treasure chest for now. Enjoy.

R.I.P., TV Guide

I'm not sure if anyone read about this, or even cares, but TV Guide is under-going a radical change0ver. You can read about it at http://www.usatoday.com/money/media/2005-07-26-tvguide-relaunch_x.htm, but basically what's happening is they are pretty much dumping the TV listings stuff and going the celebrity coverage route. Although it doesn't come out and say, it seems clear to me that the magazine's management is tired of all the grocery store moms picking up US Weekly and Star rather than their mag, and are throwing in the towel to join the celebrity coverage fest, figuring people can figure out their own damned TV listings.

Now don't get me wrong. I love the trashiness of the aforementioned titles and their numerous spin-offs. Try as I might to resist, I often find myself glued to the glossy pages full of the latest divorce rumors for Nick and Jessica; photos of Gwenyth and Apple stealing down a Manhattan street, the deliciously devilish fashion police in the backs of the magazines and such. Bonnie Fuller (the former editor of US and now publisher of Star, for those of you less-celebrity inclined readers) deserves nothing but accoldaes for creating an eminetly enjoyable and catty view for and of our celebrity obsessesed culture. And the growing roster of copycats proves its financial model-- the US version of OK!, which just launched here, apparently is paying Michael Jackson $2M Gs for his story.

But I can't help but shed a tear at the passing of TV Guide. As a young gay boy growing up in the middle of nowhere in PA, TV Guide was my only weekly insight into the wonderful world of Hollywood and the stars that made it up. I remember reading it each week, especially as the front part of the magazine, called 'The Grapevine', was beefed up over the passing years in celebrity-based coverage. Small bits would come out about stars' comings and goings in the shows, a couple of pictures would surface from awards shows, and I ate it up with a spoon. It was much more pure in its intentions-- not to create or react to rumors, but to simply report and perhaps add to my perceived glamour of what it was like to be a celebrity. With the rampant papparazzi and incessant lies created by the current crop of magazines, much of that glamour hardly seems worth it to me.

Again, I'm not knocking the current mags. I read them with naughty pleasure as much as the next guy. But when I see an icon like TV Guide passing from its current incarnation, I can't help but feel a bit wistful for the good ol days.

Good, I got that off my chest. Now, I need to get back to my US and see the summer's weight winners and losers, and oh!, the latest pictures of Linday Lohan shopping on Rodeo Drive, and.....

Bitten by the Big Apple... and Loving It

New York City! The lights, the glitz, the glamour..... I just didn't think it was for me. I am in New York City, staying with Christian for the week and working from the offices here. Christian has found a great little apartment (and yes, its little, but not closet-small, like I feared it might be) that is right in the heart of Chelsea, so its a really good spot. I had spent a lot of time here over the years, esp when Christian's sister lived here, so we had a free place to stay and could fly here via US Airways Shuttle for free. I always enjoyed the visits, but was anxious to get back to Washington when we would leave. When I first got here last week, the energy that I usually feel when I come to NYC wasn't present, and I thought to myself, well, I guess I've finally become a good California boy.

But not so fast. After a fun few days filled with fabulous shopping (thanks for the cool new outfit CH!), cool bars (warning to those boys coming here-- sadly, xl is on its way out, but Secret is a groovy new place...), delicious cupcakes from a local bakery (Billy's Bakery at 9th and 21st RULES), Broadway shows (please do yourself a favor-- SEE 'Avenue Q' and SKIP 'Fiddler on a Roof'), Lazer Tag (dont ask), a run down the Hudson river, and most importantly, breatheable weather, I am hooked on the city. It's really exciting, actually, because when we hatched this plan for me to come stay with Christian for a week, I thought i would be a great way to try New York on for a week without the commitment of actually moving here. And who doesn't love commitment-free affairs?

So my affair with the city will continue. I can't imagine San Francisco will think I'm cheating.

Pride (In the Name of Love)

I think pride is a pretty good word. Well, pride with a lower case 'p' anyway. Like many other things, the gays have sorta run that word into the ground. Don't get me wrong, this is not a dossier about the lost relevance of Pride, as I happen to think that they still serve a terrific purpose and unless you're in Washington, DC, are a lot fun. But when I'm encouraged to feel Pride for the Left-Handed Lesbian Bowlers of Marin County, I feel the purpose got lost somewhere.

No, I'm here to talk about good ol fashioned pride, or at least definition #2 as I found in dictionary.com-- 'Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession, or association'. It's sort of a funny thing- pride, that is. It's not something we're really supposed to feel about ourselves (for risk of being perceived as arrogant) and its a little strange to say about your friends (for fear of being perceived as superior). But nevertheless, this is a tale of pride I have taken in two of my best friends and the paths they have taken over the last months.

I'll start with my bestest of best friends, Matt. We've been best friends for many years now and have been through all kinds of ups and downs together-- he's a good cat. He's got a heart of gold, is wickedly funny, and has great taste in music. But he's a worrier-- you know, like he's always worried he didn't turn the oven off.

Last summer when Christian and I moved to the Bay Area and Matt kept telling me he would be moving here as well, I never let myself believe it-- I just didn't want to be dissapointed if it didn't work out. Needless to say, when he snagged himself a great job and landed out here in January, I was ecstatic. So he and his bf Michael get here, and before long, land themselves a fat pad in the Mission District and are totally set up for success. (Particularly after his studio in DC, a place I affectionately called 'the shitbox', this place is outright palacial) But that true sense of ease seemed to still elude him. He had troube adjusting to not having all of the friends in DC to hang out with, trying to get his new place all in order, and find a sense of home here. I just tried to continually tell him it was all good and that he should breathe, relax, and enjoy the goodness around him.

And you know what finally happened this week? I saw it-- Matt and Michael had me over for a dinner party on Wednesday and I got to watch him be busy preparing dinner in the kitchen, making sure our glasses of wine were full, and everything was just so. I saw a sense of felicity I'm not sure I've ever seen in him over the 6+ years we've been friends. The night was a total success-- dinner was great, their place looked awesome and I felt this shift in him, like he was finally there-- breathing, smiling, and just relishing life. He and I went out the next night to a club just a few blocks from his place, had an epic evening full of merriment, and you know, I don't think he ever once asked about the oven.

So if watching your best friend finally feel comfortable in his own skin isn't something to feel pride in, I don't know what is.

The other story has some similarities, but also many differences. It's about my dear friend Todd, another recent transplant from DC. Todd is far and away the most original and out right clever person I know. He radiates a light, a core of energy, that I have found irresistible ever since we met, also about 6 years ago. Like my friendship with Matt, we had been friends long enough to see lots of highs and lots of lows, but after we moved here to California last summer, I kept hearing more and more stories of today's mis-adventures- and not in a good way. He and I kept in touch, but always talked around what he was really experiencing. After a friend of ours suddenly passed away last winter, at the funeral, I decided I needed to reach out much more than I had. A simple but difficult question of 'Are you taking care of yourself, Todd?' led to much more detailed conversations of what was really happening and how to make it better. Before long, he joined the migration west to see what SF would hold for him. He took a temp job, found a place to live in the Castro, and with Bailey Beagle, his trusty sidekick, quietly slipped into town in February.

And what a transition it's been. He's found a terrific new job with a company that blends his unique blend of legal and communications prowess that looks like it could hold a lot of potential for him. When he speaks about the company, there's a sense of opportunity and confidence I haven't heard since he was working on the Gore campaign in 2000. But much beyond the career stuff, Todd, or at least the T-Todd I first fell in love with and always knew was there, is back in full force, coming more alive each day. In his short time here, he's amassed an amalgam of friends that represent the many colors of his personality, he's put his finger on the pulse of what's happening in San Francisco, and has filled his life with positive energy. He's been able to balance a sense of responsibility while still being able to take advantage of the good times this city offers-- from herbal hikes in the Presidio to volunteering with Stop AIDS and back around to the bizarre underbelly of SF drag shows, he's finding a center in life that just 6 months ago seemed miles away.

Again, if that's something I shouldn't feel pride about, I don't know what is.

So as the summer progresses and Pride festivals continue across the country, I say good for them. I'll leave the Transgendered Choir, the Queer Blind Fish Lovers and the Knitting Club for Leather Chub Midgets to their Pride floats and bask in the pride of seeing two of my oldest and dearest friends find the contentment they so rightfully deserve.

The Color Orange

I'm not sure what it is I like so much about the color orange, but I do know I have always liked it. You see, as a young (gay) boy, when I was at the age of deciding who my favorite NFL teams were (a dichotomy for which we'll discuss in another posting), I quickly decided on the Miami Dolphins (orange and aqua team colors) and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who had orange and white colors-- long before the days of Jon Gruden-- (settle down, Christian) and their current colors of platinum and burgandy. Now, one could easily say the gay thing had something to do with picking these somewhat flamboyount colors, but I've just always been drawn to the color. From the Tide branding to the big orange buttons on Blogger (and, ahem, the predominant color on usairways.com), I just dig the color. An old friend of mine from Washington, DC said that he read an article in GQ that said orange was sighted as the least common favorite color and being the somewhat counter-culturist I am, I always took that as a bage of honor.

Even my partner, Christian, has allowed orange to overtake our current house-- we have a large orange piece of art on the wall, an orange lamp, and and orange bowl on the table. (lest you think this sounds like orange overload, everyone who comes here likes the art and the lamp and bowl are univerally liked as well) I generally am drawn to orange t-shirts, jackets, and shoes-- you should see these Adidas sneakers I have, I think you can see them from the moon.

But as with everything else, there can be too much of a good thing. I have yet to see an orange car that I like (mid 70s Vettes nonwithstanding, which are so cheesy, orange almost adds to it). In fact, when I ordered my MINI last year, orange was an available color, but I passed and took the blue. And there's a lot of bad shades of orange out there-- neon, traffic cones, the Tennesee Volunteers, and many hair dye jobs come to mind.

So it's not an absolute obsession, but one worth noting anyway, and one that I thought would be an appropriate name for my blog. (BTW, as far as the domain goes, thecolororange was already taken, so i tacked on SF at the end but will refer to this blog as thecolororange, cool?)

And there you have it.