One of the wonders of keeping a blog is you never know who's going to read it and how they might respond. I got an email from one of my dearest friends from college who just so happens to be a woman and she said that her 14-year old stepdaughter told her that she thinks its 'cool' that she has gay friends AND that she and 'now they are on the hunt for that one boy in high school that has yet to "come out" so they can make him their fabulous friend....'
So this is amazing on a couple levels:
1) That a stepmother and daughter can say the word 'gay' out in the open without it being a big deal
2) That a 14 year old thinks its cool her stepmother has gay friends...
3) And she can tell her stepmother she is actively looking for a gay friend, already recognizing how special such a bond can be
4) That this discussion is happening in Pittsburgh, PA
So, a special 'holla!' to my favorite redhead for always being so wonderful for the 12+ years now we've known each other and for sharing this terrific story. It shows that even though some of us may not be on the front lines of the movement every day, living and loving openly can effect unmeasurable people- and finding out about every now and then is just icing on the cake. If this isn't progress, what is?
Friday, August 26, 2005
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Let's Hear it for the Girls
Much has been written about the bonds between gay men and straight women. You know, the intimate bonds that derive from a common understanding of what its like to put up with other men's crap, to live in a world that automatically puts you at an underdog status, and of course, the common love of shoes. Lord knows most of us gay guys wouldn't have had any friends in grade and high school without them and many of those girls wouldn't had fun college formal dates who complemented your outfit, liked to dance, and then strangely didn't want to sleep with you afterwards. Although I have had the pleasure of being friends with many wonderful women over the years, I have two stories of amazing women who have strongly influenced me-- one from years ago and one from much more recently.
My best friend from high school is Amy, and she and I instantly became best friends when we randomly sat next to each other at our freshman orientation, held just two days before the first day of 9th grade. As daunting as any freshmen experience is, I had the added pressure of just moving to a new town. Therefore, I was in a new school with new people and was still recovering from a sever neck injury in a car accident that had necessitated me re-learning how to walk and subsequently losing a lot of weight, making me that much more of an awkward 14-year old. (Oh yea, and I was gay in a small town in Pennsylvania) But that didn't matter to Amy, and after giggling our way through that orientation night, we quickly began 'the traditional phone call', talking on the phone for hours on end each night about things only 14 year olds can.
But the cruel reality of being the new kid on the block didn't take long to set in. The intense homophobia of the 14 year old boys started in a matter of days after school started, and before long, everyone started saying I was gay this, gay that... and as much as I wish I would have had the balls or the awareness to come out, that simply wasn't an option that time. (A posting for another time-- my mom finding me in my bedroom during this time sobbing and me telling her it was because everyone thought I was gay....) So do you know what Amy did for me? Despite the fact that there was no romantic inkling between us, we were spending a lot of time together both at and after school, and thus 'the scheme' (as we called it) was born. We would simply tell everyone that we were dating, thereby invalidating the gay rumors and getting the rumor mill to move on to its next target. And you know what? It worked like a charm. No one questioned that we were a couple, and for the most part, the gay rumors subsided.
Years later, she would be the first person I would tell out loud that I was gay, stand up for me in my wedding with Christian, and ask me to be the godfather to her daughter, Riley. It doesn't get any better than that.
Amy and I are still close, but life has certainly taken us in different directions. So that brings me to one of the nicest surprises of 2005 so far-- my best girlfriend here in SF, whose name is Diana. We met through work at Yahoo!, where in a 1-1 meeting we had to introduce ourselves, upon learning that I was gay, promptly told me she wanted a gay best friend so we could shopping together and I could decorate her apartment, etc etc.... As offensive as that may sound to some of you, it was said with a charm and innocence that resonated with me. Of course, I was like 'well, let's have lunch and see where it goes...', not ready to commit to making her over just yet. :-)
That was about 6 months ago, and since then, we've gone from work lunch buddies to happy hours after work to shopping partners on the weekend days to Friday night dinners with my friends to exploring the best SF nightlife has to offer, which has been tremendous. What has been even better than the increasing cross section of our social lives, though, has been the perspective she brings to my life and the great phone conversations we have about the stuff happening in our lives. I'm pretty lucky in that I don't really have much in life to complain about-- but of course, I still do. Tonight I was whining about missing Christian, this being the last week that he is gone before he finally comes home for good. And after making me chuckle at my own babiness, she says to me, 'Ben, instead of being upset about it, how about enjoying the feeling of desire? Knowing that you love him so much and can't wait for him to get back, how about reveling in that feeling, realizing its only temporary and appreciating the intense love that creates that feeling?'
Damn. That's pretty smart. And a way of thinking I really hadn't considered.
So she fits the cliches I had always heard of a best girlfriend to gay guys-- she's gorgeous, smart, funny, and (when prompted) has a great sense of style. But its those nuggets of wisdom that only a woman can bring, and alternatively, the perspective that I help bring to her, that has really made me appreciate her and look forward to the years of friendship that lay ahead.
So as much as I love boys, it's nice to know that there's still room for the ladies. Lets hear it for ya!
My best friend from high school is Amy, and she and I instantly became best friends when we randomly sat next to each other at our freshman orientation, held just two days before the first day of 9th grade. As daunting as any freshmen experience is, I had the added pressure of just moving to a new town. Therefore, I was in a new school with new people and was still recovering from a sever neck injury in a car accident that had necessitated me re-learning how to walk and subsequently losing a lot of weight, making me that much more of an awkward 14-year old. (Oh yea, and I was gay in a small town in Pennsylvania) But that didn't matter to Amy, and after giggling our way through that orientation night, we quickly began 'the traditional phone call', talking on the phone for hours on end each night about things only 14 year olds can.
But the cruel reality of being the new kid on the block didn't take long to set in. The intense homophobia of the 14 year old boys started in a matter of days after school started, and before long, everyone started saying I was gay this, gay that... and as much as I wish I would have had the balls or the awareness to come out, that simply wasn't an option that time. (A posting for another time-- my mom finding me in my bedroom during this time sobbing and me telling her it was because everyone thought I was gay....) So do you know what Amy did for me? Despite the fact that there was no romantic inkling between us, we were spending a lot of time together both at and after school, and thus 'the scheme' (as we called it) was born. We would simply tell everyone that we were dating, thereby invalidating the gay rumors and getting the rumor mill to move on to its next target. And you know what? It worked like a charm. No one questioned that we were a couple, and for the most part, the gay rumors subsided.
Years later, she would be the first person I would tell out loud that I was gay, stand up for me in my wedding with Christian, and ask me to be the godfather to her daughter, Riley. It doesn't get any better than that.
Amy and I are still close, but life has certainly taken us in different directions. So that brings me to one of the nicest surprises of 2005 so far-- my best girlfriend here in SF, whose name is Diana. We met through work at Yahoo!, where in a 1-1 meeting we had to introduce ourselves, upon learning that I was gay, promptly told me she wanted a gay best friend so we could shopping together and I could decorate her apartment, etc etc.... As offensive as that may sound to some of you, it was said with a charm and innocence that resonated with me. Of course, I was like 'well, let's have lunch and see where it goes...', not ready to commit to making her over just yet. :-)
That was about 6 months ago, and since then, we've gone from work lunch buddies to happy hours after work to shopping partners on the weekend days to Friday night dinners with my friends to exploring the best SF nightlife has to offer, which has been tremendous. What has been even better than the increasing cross section of our social lives, though, has been the perspective she brings to my life and the great phone conversations we have about the stuff happening in our lives. I'm pretty lucky in that I don't really have much in life to complain about-- but of course, I still do. Tonight I was whining about missing Christian, this being the last week that he is gone before he finally comes home for good. And after making me chuckle at my own babiness, she says to me, 'Ben, instead of being upset about it, how about enjoying the feeling of desire? Knowing that you love him so much and can't wait for him to get back, how about reveling in that feeling, realizing its only temporary and appreciating the intense love that creates that feeling?'
Damn. That's pretty smart. And a way of thinking I really hadn't considered.
So she fits the cliches I had always heard of a best girlfriend to gay guys-- she's gorgeous, smart, funny, and (when prompted) has a great sense of style. But its those nuggets of wisdom that only a woman can bring, and alternatively, the perspective that I help bring to her, that has really made me appreciate her and look forward to the years of friendship that lay ahead.
So as much as I love boys, it's nice to know that there's still room for the ladies. Lets hear it for ya!
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Skin is In...
I like being in the know-- being up on the neatest, coolest stuff happening around. And what's better than sharing the cool stuff with other people? So here's a smattering of the things I'm into these days:
Toy: Yahoo! Music Unlimited. It took me forever to get around to do this, but for any music fans out there, please do yourself a favor and sign-up for one of the subscription-based music services. I've discovered more new music in the last month than I have in the last year, and its all becuase as soon as I hear about a band, I can pull up their whole album and listen to it-- without paying (well, of course, there is a small monthly fee, but Yahoo!'s is like $60 for the whole year!) It's nearly rendered my iPod obsolete. Yes, you don't own the music, but you can still download as you like, but now with full knowledge that you actually like the album. Seriously, it rocks and has helped me discover the below bands...
Listen: The Be Good Tanyas-- Beyond the trippy name, they are sort of a modern-day chick Crosby, Stills, & Nash. The music is full of acoustic guitars and nice harmonies that remind you alternative music doesn't necessarily have to be angry. Check out the album, Chinatown, to listen to at when you want to mellow out or for a quiet dinner party. Along similar lines, remember the first time you heard Dido and thought 'gee, here's a nice sound' before you heard all of those songs over and over and over again? Keren Ann's quiet vocals have similar haunting qualities, with a bit of French lyrics thrown in to make it even sexier. Her latest album, Nolita, is perfect for the next romantic dinner you have and is a nice departure from the yawners our other chanteuse favorites have put out lately that will leave your spouse/SO/trick wondering 'where did he find this cool music?'. Aquanote is another recent find. Their album, The Pearl, is a mellow electronic blend that reminds me of Chicane's Behind the Sun, one of my all-time favorite albums. Perfect for pool-side listening as we all soak up the last rays of summer.
SF Groove Scene: Bootie. This is a monthly mash-up party that we checked out this past weekend and it was a blast. The cocktails were flowing, the space was sufficiently dance-able while still maintaining an edge and the crowd was perfectly blended. (Cute gay guys? Check. Hip straight couples? Check. Freaky guy dressed in a white and black striped bodysuit with a mohawk almost as big as him? Check.) Nice. The crowd was into it and Smash-Up Derby, the world's 'only' mash-up band performed.
We heard songs as random as The Beatles v. Gary Newman (Baby You Can Drive My Car v. Cars), Madonna v. Kelis (Holiday v. Milkshake) on to Gwen Stefani v. Cameo (Hollaback Girl v. Word Up) and everything else you couldn't possibly imagine in between. Sweet! Not all of the songs worked great, but try finding a drip of this creativity next time you hear insert random circuit DJ name here
Wear: Modern Amusement. I'd seen this brand in few boutiques here and there over the past few years, but had never bought anything. The clothes are a nice collection of hip, modern lines without being D&G over the top. I picked up a pair of blue seersucker with color stripes earlier this summer and every time I wear them, at least 1 person asks me where I got them. In NYC a few weeks ago, I picked up a pair of brown striped slacks (at my new favorite store - Atrium in Soho-- it rocks!!) that are even better and will be great for fall. Expect to see their little crow logo popping up more and more-- which, of course, if it does too much, I'll promptly stop advocating it.
*Sigh*- that's the curse of sharing too much cool stuff, so that's it from my treasure chest for now. Enjoy.
Toy: Yahoo! Music Unlimited. It took me forever to get around to do this, but for any music fans out there, please do yourself a favor and sign-up for one of the subscription-based music services. I've discovered more new music in the last month than I have in the last year, and its all becuase as soon as I hear about a band, I can pull up their whole album and listen to it-- without paying (well, of course, there is a small monthly fee, but Yahoo!'s is like $60 for the whole year!) It's nearly rendered my iPod obsolete. Yes, you don't own the music, but you can still download as you like, but now with full knowledge that you actually like the album. Seriously, it rocks and has helped me discover the below bands...
Listen: The Be Good Tanyas-- Beyond the trippy name, they are sort of a modern-day chick Crosby, Stills, & Nash. The music is full of acoustic guitars and nice harmonies that remind you alternative music doesn't necessarily have to be angry. Check out the album, Chinatown, to listen to at when you want to mellow out or for a quiet dinner party. Along similar lines, remember the first time you heard Dido and thought 'gee, here's a nice sound' before you heard all of those songs over and over and over again? Keren Ann's quiet vocals have similar haunting qualities, with a bit of French lyrics thrown in to make it even sexier. Her latest album, Nolita, is perfect for the next romantic dinner you have and is a nice departure from the yawners our other chanteuse favorites have put out lately that will leave your spouse/SO/trick wondering 'where did he find this cool music?'. Aquanote is another recent find. Their album, The Pearl, is a mellow electronic blend that reminds me of Chicane's Behind the Sun, one of my all-time favorite albums. Perfect for pool-side listening as we all soak up the last rays of summer.
SF Groove Scene: Bootie. This is a monthly mash-up party that we checked out this past weekend and it was a blast. The cocktails were flowing, the space was sufficiently dance-able while still maintaining an edge and the crowd was perfectly blended. (Cute gay guys? Check. Hip straight couples? Check. Freaky guy dressed in a white and black striped bodysuit with a mohawk almost as big as him? Check.) Nice. The crowd was into it and Smash-Up Derby, the world's 'only' mash-up band performed.
We heard songs as random as The Beatles v. Gary Newman (Baby You Can Drive My Car v. Cars), Madonna v. Kelis (Holiday v. Milkshake) on to Gwen Stefani v. Cameo (Hollaback Girl v. Word Up) and everything else you couldn't possibly imagine in between. Sweet! Not all of the songs worked great, but try finding a drip of this creativity next time you hear insert random circuit DJ name here
Wear: Modern Amusement. I'd seen this brand in few boutiques here and there over the past few years, but had never bought anything. The clothes are a nice collection of hip, modern lines without being D&G over the top. I picked up a pair of blue seersucker with color stripes earlier this summer and every time I wear them, at least 1 person asks me where I got them. In NYC a few weeks ago, I picked up a pair of brown striped slacks (at my new favorite store - Atrium in Soho-- it rocks!!) that are even better and will be great for fall. Expect to see their little crow logo popping up more and more-- which, of course, if it does too much, I'll promptly stop advocating it.
*Sigh*- that's the curse of sharing too much cool stuff, so that's it from my treasure chest for now. Enjoy.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
R.I.P., TV Guide
I'm not sure if anyone read about this, or even cares, but TV Guide is under-going a radical change0ver. You can read about it at http://www.usatoday.com/money/media/2005-07-26-tvguide-relaunch_x.htm, but basically what's happening is they are pretty much dumping the TV listings stuff and going the celebrity coverage route. Although it doesn't come out and say, it seems clear to me that the magazine's management is tired of all the grocery store moms picking up US Weekly and Star rather than their mag, and are throwing in the towel to join the celebrity coverage fest, figuring people can figure out their own damned TV listings.
Now don't get me wrong. I love the trashiness of the aforementioned titles and their numerous spin-offs. Try as I might to resist, I often find myself glued to the glossy pages full of the latest divorce rumors for Nick and Jessica; photos of Gwenyth and Apple stealing down a Manhattan street, the deliciously devilish fashion police in the backs of the magazines and such. Bonnie Fuller (the former editor of US and now publisher of Star, for those of you less-celebrity inclined readers) deserves nothing but accoldaes for creating an eminetly enjoyable and catty view for and of our celebrity obsessesed culture. And the growing roster of copycats proves its financial model-- the US version of OK!, which just launched here, apparently is paying Michael Jackson $2M Gs for his story.
But I can't help but shed a tear at the passing of TV Guide. As a young gay boy growing up in the middle of nowhere in PA, TV Guide was my only weekly insight into the wonderful world of Hollywood and the stars that made it up. I remember reading it each week, especially as the front part of the magazine, called 'The Grapevine', was beefed up over the passing years in celebrity-based coverage. Small bits would come out about stars' comings and goings in the shows, a couple of pictures would surface from awards shows, and I ate it up with a spoon. It was much more pure in its intentions-- not to create or react to rumors, but to simply report and perhaps add to my perceived glamour of what it was like to be a celebrity. With the rampant papparazzi and incessant lies created by the current crop of magazines, much of that glamour hardly seems worth it to me.
Again, I'm not knocking the current mags. I read them with naughty pleasure as much as the next guy. But when I see an icon like TV Guide passing from its current incarnation, I can't help but feel a bit wistful for the good ol days.
Good, I got that off my chest. Now, I need to get back to my US and see the summer's weight winners and losers, and oh!, the latest pictures of Linday Lohan shopping on Rodeo Drive, and.....
Now don't get me wrong. I love the trashiness of the aforementioned titles and their numerous spin-offs. Try as I might to resist, I often find myself glued to the glossy pages full of the latest divorce rumors for Nick and Jessica; photos of Gwenyth and Apple stealing down a Manhattan street, the deliciously devilish fashion police in the backs of the magazines and such. Bonnie Fuller (the former editor of US and now publisher of Star, for those of you less-celebrity inclined readers) deserves nothing but accoldaes for creating an eminetly enjoyable and catty view for and of our celebrity obsessesed culture. And the growing roster of copycats proves its financial model-- the US version of OK!, which just launched here, apparently is paying Michael Jackson $2M Gs for his story.
But I can't help but shed a tear at the passing of TV Guide. As a young gay boy growing up in the middle of nowhere in PA, TV Guide was my only weekly insight into the wonderful world of Hollywood and the stars that made it up. I remember reading it each week, especially as the front part of the magazine, called 'The Grapevine', was beefed up over the passing years in celebrity-based coverage. Small bits would come out about stars' comings and goings in the shows, a couple of pictures would surface from awards shows, and I ate it up with a spoon. It was much more pure in its intentions-- not to create or react to rumors, but to simply report and perhaps add to my perceived glamour of what it was like to be a celebrity. With the rampant papparazzi and incessant lies created by the current crop of magazines, much of that glamour hardly seems worth it to me.
Again, I'm not knocking the current mags. I read them with naughty pleasure as much as the next guy. But when I see an icon like TV Guide passing from its current incarnation, I can't help but feel a bit wistful for the good ol days.
Good, I got that off my chest. Now, I need to get back to my US and see the summer's weight winners and losers, and oh!, the latest pictures of Linday Lohan shopping on Rodeo Drive, and.....
Monday, August 01, 2005
Bitten by the Big Apple... and Loving It
New York City! The lights, the glitz, the glamour..... I just didn't think it was for me. I am in New York City, staying with Christian for the week and working from the offices here. Christian has found a great little apartment (and yes, its little, but not closet-small, like I feared it might be) that is right in the heart of Chelsea, so its a really good spot. I had spent a lot of time here over the years, esp when Christian's sister lived here, so we had a free place to stay and could fly here via US Airways Shuttle for free. I always enjoyed the visits, but was anxious to get back to Washington when we would leave. When I first got here last week, the energy that I usually feel when I come to NYC wasn't present, and I thought to myself, well, I guess I've finally become a good California boy.
But not so fast. After a fun few days filled with fabulous shopping (thanks for the cool new outfit CH!), cool bars (warning to those boys coming here-- sadly, xl is on its way out, but Secret is a groovy new place...), delicious cupcakes from a local bakery (Billy's Bakery at 9th and 21st RULES), Broadway shows (please do yourself a favor-- SEE 'Avenue Q' and SKIP 'Fiddler on a Roof'), Lazer Tag (dont ask), a run down the Hudson river, and most importantly, breatheable weather, I am hooked on the city. It's really exciting, actually, because when we hatched this plan for me to come stay with Christian for a week, I thought i would be a great way to try New York on for a week without the commitment of actually moving here. And who doesn't love commitment-free affairs?
So my affair with the city will continue. I can't imagine San Francisco will think I'm cheating.
But not so fast. After a fun few days filled with fabulous shopping (thanks for the cool new outfit CH!), cool bars (warning to those boys coming here-- sadly, xl is on its way out, but Secret is a groovy new place...), delicious cupcakes from a local bakery (Billy's Bakery at 9th and 21st RULES), Broadway shows (please do yourself a favor-- SEE 'Avenue Q' and SKIP 'Fiddler on a Roof'), Lazer Tag (dont ask), a run down the Hudson river, and most importantly, breatheable weather, I am hooked on the city. It's really exciting, actually, because when we hatched this plan for me to come stay with Christian for a week, I thought i would be a great way to try New York on for a week without the commitment of actually moving here. And who doesn't love commitment-free affairs?
So my affair with the city will continue. I can't imagine San Francisco will think I'm cheating.
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