More Absurd than Absurd

Not completely satisfied to horde marriage rights for themselves and themselves only, Social Conservatives are now moving to try and pass more laws outlawing gays from adopting, USA Today reports. In particularly oppressive states like Ohio, laws are actually making their way through the state houses, despite the numerous reports that having gay parents has little impact on a child's ability for success (or not) and that even most of the jerks who voted to outlaw gay marriage don't support it. Read this amusing retort from a Senator in Ohio I found on the Akron Bee site that helps to highlight the important theme here -- just because certain people think that a "way of life" is inherently bad (be it gay or Republican or, gasp, both), that doesn't mean they shouldn't be able to have kids.... or get married or.... have a normal life.... or... whatever.

To: All Senate Members
From: Senator Robert Hagan
Re: Co-Sponsorship Request
Date: February 22, 2006
I intend to introduce legislation in the near future that would ban households with one or more Republican voters from adopting children or acting as foster parents. Policymakers in Columbus have ignored this growing threat to our communities for far too long. My legislation is modeled after a bill recently introduced in the Ohio House by Rep. Ron Hood (R-Ashville via Carrollton), which would prohibit homosexual, bisexual and transgender people from adopting children. It is unclear at this point whether Rep. Hood supports my legislation, though I remain hopeful.
Credible research exists that strongly suggests that adopted children raised in Republican households, though significantly wealthier than their Democrat-raised counterparts, are more at risk for developing emotional problems, social stigmas, inflated egos, an alarming lack of tolerance for others they deem different than themselves, and an air of overconfidence to mask their insecurities.
In addition, I have spoken to many adopted children raised in Republican households who have admitted that, ``Well, it's just plain boring most of the time.'' In fact, one adopted child raised in a fiercely partisan Republican household in suburban Cincinnati described his upbringing as ``18 years of hellish terror.'' ``A nightmare I haven't yet awoken from,'' said a 25-year-old Republican adoptee that chose to remain nameless.
If you are interested in co-sponsoring this legislation, please feel free to contact my office.

As ridiculous as it is to consider, I wish a few of them could read this and see the ridiculousness they continue to raise through their efforts to keep things to themselves that they don't own. To my dear family members/readers who don't think the current adminstration's support of these people effects anyone, here's another example of efforts to institutionalize homophobia-- that is, the ability to lawfully discriminate against me and people like me. When will it end?

We Live Here!

Christian and I talked for many years about living in San Francisco. We even had a name for it-- 'The West Coast Plan'. We would have fun during our 20s, and then by the time I turned 30 (which seemed sooooo far away when we hatched the plan), we would really sit down and figure out a) if/how we would start a family and b) try and determine where we would settle, ie, California. Hence, the name of the plan.

So we had a great time in our 20s and I never really thought we would live in California anyway. But then Christian got into Stanford and I got my job at Yahoo! within a month of each other, and we suddenly found ourselves living here on the west coast. Many times since then, whenever we experience something very California-- say, looking out over Lake Tahoe or a week of 75 degree temperatures in February, we would turn to each other and say 'We live here!' There's always a sense of amazement that we're both here, actually living the life we talked about for so long.

But now it gets better, because we actually live in San Francisco, not a suburb. I was walking Hobbes tonight up on top of Potrero Hill (our neighborhood) and came across a view like the one in the picture, as the sun was setting. The city sat there in all her glory, the Bay Bridge lit up and the sun setting behind the Golden Gate. It was a stunning view, and it really hit me-- 'we live here!'

So we only have an apartment, we're still a bit away from seriously considering kids, and Christian hasn't even graudated or started his job yet. But standing there on the top of the hill, overlooking my new home city, I couldn't help but feel the West Coast plan is coming into place.

I trust that will be the first of many more wonderful San Francisco memories to come.

"Going to the Chapel... And We're Gonna Get DP'd..."

Well, not really, but Christian and I did finally fill out the forms to be domestic partners here in California and send them away for official recognition. (For those of you who don't follow this closely, Mass. is the one state we can get married in but they don't marry out-of-staters due to a law from the early 1900s that tried to discourage inter-racial marriages (!) while VT and CT call them civil unions, and CA domestic partnerships that grant most of the in-state rights of married couples such as estate rights and hospital visitation)

It was just as I had imagined my government would recognize my relationship someday.... on a quick break from work.... squeezing into an cube of an administrative assistant at Yahoo who is also a Notary Public.... Christian wearing a Stanford sweatshirt and flip-flops and me in my polo shirt and jeans..... and when I heard the forceful stamp of the notary's stamp against the printed-from-the-internet form, I really felt that my government was doing right by me.

Uh, not quite. I'm not one to kick a gift horse in the mouth and all, but even my most optimistic description of the transaction today would equate the process to applying for a driver's license. Christian and I have been together 8 wonderful years now - and one commitment ceremony (in Washington, DC), one civil union (in Vermont), one near-marriage (in San Francisco during those glorious few days of Valentine's Day 2004 when Mayor Newsome opened up City Hall) and now a domestic partnership later, I'm left to wonder what the big deal is about just calling it a marriage and being done with it already.

In fact, the euphoria that we felt when we got to be part of those historic days in San Francisco led us to say 'Look, we're not doing this again until it's 100% legit, recognized in the municipality we live in, and we are married. Period.' But here we go again, drawn like moths to the flame of any governmental recognition. So why keep doing it? Well, it's important to stand up and be counted, I think. Call it civil union, domestic partnership, whatever, if someone is counting, I think that Christian and I should be part of it. To let people know that there are people that think, even though its pretty much marriage in everything but name to the state of California, that even those rights conferred are still important. To let people know that these increments of steps are a good thing, even if its still not enough.

Nearly 5 years out from our big event, I can truly appreciate the gravity standing in front of your friends and family and committing your love, carries-- what most people called getting married. Back then, we struggled with what to call it; some members of my family had issues with the 'wedding' word. This being 2001, before gay marriage was even a term here in the US, we called it a commitment ceremony. It was a wonderful event, hands down the best day of my life. But in hindsight, it was a wedding, and we got married, government be damned. And we should have called it that. If I asked any of my married friends/readers 'Would you rather have a civil union, domestic partnership or a marriage..?', what would they say? Separate is not equal, period.

All that said, this is still a milestone in our relationship, and one worth celebrating and noting. I'm so lucky that I get to be domestic partnered/civil unioned/married/sharing my life/whatever you call it with someone as kind, loving and generous as Christian. The labels we have or don't have or have full access to does nothing to dimish that, but I still look forward to the day we get to add a wedding certificate to our ever-growing collection of documents.

Anti-Rockwell

I just came across this delightfully subversive photo portfolio on vanityfair.com. Dubbed 'Anti-Rockwell', photographer Erwin Olaf takes the familiar settings we've seen from various rooms with a character or two, and spins them on their head. My favorites are 'The Bedroom' (is he getting into bed? What is he thinking about?), 'The Hallway (what are these two people up to?), and pictured here, 'The Ice Cream Parlor'.

Enjoy the photos and wonder away if this is the antithesis of Rockwell or what else could be.....

Super Memories

It's Super Bowl time and my team is IN-- Go Steelers! I like pretty much all sports, but the NFL has a special place in my heart. My dad took me to see a Baltimore Colts game in 1983 when I was nine or so, and I've been hooked ever since. I collected all of the helmets out of those 25-cent machines at the grocery stores, had an NFL lunchbox and would keep track of the standings throughout the season. Since I was a swimmer, I decided that the Dolphins would be my favorite team, and it was a good choice, as Dan Marino was just beginning his career as I began to follow the game. However, I also became particularly fond of the bad teams of the era, part of my always-root-for-the-underdog mentality-- some teams that have since become a whole lot better (Seattle and Tampa Bay) and others that are still among the bottom feeders (New Orleans and Arizona).

Every game matters in the NFL and despite the Patriots' recent run, parity runs rampant in the league. No one would have predicted a Pittsburgh/Seattle Super Bowl this year and that's one of the things I love about the game. With the NFL, there are no endless string of meaningless games (hello baseball!), no disproportiante level of oversized egos that ruin the game (NBA) and a sport that more than just a few other people in the country follow (NHL). Years later when I went to school in Pittsburgh, I adopted the Steelers as my favorite team, as they continue to be. I've been to games in Pittsbugh, Washington, Baltimore, Buffalo, Tampa, San Francisco, Phoenix and Seattle. I'd like to go to every stadium in the country, but Christian asked if we could skip Kansas City and I said ok. Yes, I've been an NFL fan all of my life, something that has been made a bit more challenging since I have discovered that I'm gay, but my love with the game continues.

So as we roll into the Super Bowl weekend, I thought I'd share some of my favorite Super Bowl memories:

Super Bowl XX - After they dispatched of my Dolphins and became the first wild card team to win all road games to go to the Super Bowl, I really wanted the 85 Patriots to give the Bears a run for their money. As I mentioned before, I always seem to root for the underdog. Probably because of their overwhelming popularity, I was pretty tired of Jim McMachon, the Fridge, etc etc. and their Super Bowl Shuffle. Final score? Chicago 46, New England 10. No one said rooting for the underdog was easy.

Super Bowl XXV - Say 'wide right' to any sports fan and he will immediately think of this game, where Bills kicker Scott Norwood just missed a kick at the end of the game to win it for Buffalo. This was my junior year in high school, and my whole group congregated in the basement of my friend Jason's parents house. There were probably 20 or so of us crowded to watch the game and as Norwood's kick went up and just missed, we were all jumping up and down in excitement. However, there wasn't much room to do that and one of my friends ended up putting a hole in the ceiling with his head. And Norwood thought he was in pain!

Super Bowl XXX- My senior year of college in Pittsburgh and the Steelers were finally back in the Super Bowl to win 'one for the thumb', or a 5th championship since the 4 they notched in the 70s. Living in Pittsburgh was INSANE at the time-- you couldn't go anywhere without seeing black and gold or hearing people talking about it. I remember being at the grocery store when the Steelers fight song came on the music system and pretty much everyone in the store was singing right along. My roommate and I had a gang over to watch the game and it was very exciting. Alas, due to a poor special teams outing and a few interceptions, the Steelers were never much in it. Already down at halftime, the group at the house was looking for something to give them a sign of hope. And there it was- in the form of Diana Ross, the halftime performer. As Ms Ross sang her song, my friend Jen Kelly suddenly cried--'There it is... she's wearing gold............ and she's black!" Priceless.

Super Bowl XXXIV- So I had come out of the closet and suddenly found myself surronded by people who didn't know the first thing about football. I decided to throw a party we dubbed 'Super Butch' and try to get my friends excited about the game. I had to break it down to the point of explaining what a first and ten meant and that a field goal was three points as opposed to a touchdown being six points with an extra point being one. The game ended up having one of the most breathtaking finishes in history--St Louis stopped Tennesee a yard and a half shy of a tieing touchdown on the last play of the game-- but the excitement level just wasn't the same when watching the game with a group of people for whom it was the same as watching a foreign movie with no subtitles. A few weeks later, one of those friends would invite me to a party to watch the Oscars and I couldn't imagine why people would get together to watch that. Much like I'm sure they thought about getting together to watch a football game.

I'm hoping that Super Bowl XL will be added to this list when the Steelers finally get that one for the thumb. So till Super Sunday, GO STEELERS!