Pics My Mom Probably Wouldn't Want to See

We're back from Africa and as predicted, it was the trip of a lifetime! I'll have more anecdotes and photos from the trip later this week, but these two pictures are from the more adventorous side. The one on the left from the Zambezi River, where miraculously, we did not flip the boat on that rapid! Christian's arms are in the top left of the frame hanging on for dear life and the rest of us in the boat are covered in water-- it's a tremendous shot. The other is from the "gorge swing", also in Zambia, where we stepped off a cliff, free fell for a few seconds, and then swung back and forth in the gorge. After looking at the pics, we concluded these were probably ones that our collective Moms would rather not see....

Moment In Time

Christian and I are set to go on our trip of a lifetime to Southern Africa-including stops in Botswana, Zambia, Mozambique and of course South Africa over the next 3 weeks. It should be absolutely amazing and I hope to be able to make a few postings from the trip, but I'm not sure of what internet access will be like in places like the Okavango Delta and Victoria Falls, so I will do the best I can.

Before C started school, we hoped to do some sort of trip like this, but I started so quickly at Yahoo!, that didn't quite work. So now its our turn, and we're celebrating C's graduation, our recent 5-year anniversary and this special moment in time before C heads back to the workforce. As Brenda told us when we got married, people don't stop enough in life to celebrate special moments, so this is what we are trying to do, and who knows what is ahead of us? Things like safaris, rafting and shark diving are on the to-do list but as past travels have shown, its always the unexpected that proves the most memorable. Will it be a stunning view from an oceanside cafe like in Mexico? Or the cows and cemetary game as we crossed the expanses of Costa Rica? I can't wait to find out.

Stay tuned!

Part of Something Better

One of the things I have always admired about Christian is his commitment to volunteering. Pretty much since I’ve known him, he’s always been involved in some kind of efforts that benefits someone outside of him and his work. This came pretty directly from his mom, who taught him from early on that this type of involvement was important, and Christian has made very good on it, from his involvement with Make a Wish to more recently the Point Foundation.

For some reason, I missed this lesson when I was younger. Its not that my parents aren’t civic-minded (my Mom’s month in New Orleans after the Katrina disaster is a good illustration of that), but for one reason or another, it just never really came up when we were kids. So when I became a grown-up and married Christian, I always admired his conviction with volunteering, but struggled with how to get do something myself.

I’m proud to say I’ve found something pretty cool. I wrote earlier about Yahoo! Pride, an employee group that caters to the LGBT (that’s lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender for the folks at home) audience, and how I helped to program the a new music station called Gay Club Mix. That was neat, but my involvement was pretty minimal. After that launched, Brady, the leader of the group, Brian, a fabulous MBA intern who helped prove the worth of the GLBT audience to Yahoo! during his internship and will be joining Yahoo! this fall, and I wondered how we could really get Yahoo! to get behind the community in a much more visible way. We ended up with the idea of a promotional page for Gay Pride, and I’m proud to say that it launched today. I provided the conceptual design and wireframes, basically figuring out what was going to go on the page and where. From there, I handed my design off to Brian and Ernie, a set of 2 amazingly talented guys who provided the visual design (the color, fonts, and images) and the web development (actually building the whole thing), and I continued to act as the art director. I’m immensely proud of the result, and you can see it at http://events.yahoo.com/pride06/.

Brian, Brady and I agreed from the start that we would try and leverage as many of the community elements as possible from across Yahoo! and to design it in a way that would be relatively easy to implement. After all, this was a volunteer effort for the 3 of us and anone else who would get involved, above and beyond our normal daily responsibilities! Highlights include exposing community pictures of Pride from Flickr, the wildly popular photo sharing site Yahoo! acquired last summer and Pride events from upcoming.org, where users can share events with the community. Brian’s visual design, with the avatars in the header and the use of playful color throughout the page is really fantastic, and it’s all built in the latest coding technology, meaning its very light and flexible. When we found out that Travelocity was going to be a sponsor, it was icing on the cake.

So it launched early this morning and we're getting a lot of positive feedback internally, from people as high as the Chief Marketing Officer. It's a great feeling to combine two thing I love-- design and the gay community-- with something I've been wanting to do-- volunteering. We hope this is just the start of marketing to the LGBT community at Y! and I can't wait to find something like this again.

Love is in the Air

There's just something fantastic about love. In the past two days, I've been able to experience or witness some different stages of it, make me appreciate it even more.

Friday night, Christian and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. We were treated to an extra special early present last weekend when we attended the wedding of our good friends from DC, Curtis and Ryan. These guys are one of those couples who just make you happy to be around, and the wedding was a pure reflection of that. The outpouring of love and support each of their families provided, including such wonders as each of their moms walking them down the aisle together and Curtis' sister giving one of the toasts, was remarkable. Additionally, getting to celebrate this occasion with all of our best friends from DC was great as well, feeling the love from a circle of people who, despite some of us who have moved away, will probably always be the best group of friends we will ever have. And lastly, as and icing on the cake surprise for us, Brenda Grisham, the woman who conducted our ceremony 5 years back, was the person they had selected to do their wedding. We had not seen her since our own special night and it was a real treat to catch up with her and marvel in all the amazing things that have happened since we got married. (that's us with her)

Friday night was the actual day of our engagement and we went out to dinner at a place called Palamino, in downtown SF. The night before our wedding, we treated our families and best ladies to a dinner at the Palamino in DC, so the restaurant has special meaning to us. We told the waitress when we sat down that we were celebrating our 5th anniversary, and she told us that she had already had 2 other anniversaries and an engagement that night! We don't usually go out to dinner with just us, so it was a nice time to reflect on our 5 years and talk about what we hope will happen over the next 5. It was a warm night in the city, so after that, we strolled along the Emarcadero along the SF Bay and took in the all of the lights of the bridge and the buildings in the city. But by far, the highlight of the night was what we spent most of the dinner talking about-- naming the two kids we hope to have by the next big anniversary. I look forward to telling them lovingly someday how and when we figured out what their names will be.

And lastly, we spent a deliriously tender evening on Saturday night with our gang here in San Francisco. The setting was Supper Club, which puts cocktails, a 5-course fancy dinner, beds, and performance art into a blender, mixes up, and serves for utter enjoyment. There were 12 of us, set up over 3 beds where you could literally lay, and the best thing about it was how you could move around and talk to each person in the group. With us were two of our best SF friends, Maria (in the white) and Titus (in the black) both who had relatively new boyfriends visiting from out of town, and both in the mad theros of newfound love. What a fantastic thing to observe, and over the course of the 3 or so hours we were there, feel a part of. The hanging on every word said, the passionate gazes, and the hoping of the best for the future were all there, and I couldn't be happier for both of them. As I told Maria, although the intensity of that time doesn't always stay, the underlying passion can and should, and I feel fortunate enough to be in a relationship where it does. Moreover, getting to spend time with all of my favorite people here in our new home for a night was just what the doctor ordered to cure me of any home sickness after last weekend.

So although its not quite springtime anymore and I'm still trying to get used to these cold SF summers, I really feel like love is in the air. And what a beautiful thing it is.

How Sweet It Is

I never have to question what a fantastic relationship I have with Christian, but sometimes he catches me by surprise and makes me love him even more. We moved about two months ago and I had been itching to have a party, so with my birthday last week, we agreed to have a housewarming/birthday party this past weekend at our place. We have been very busy decorating/buying new stuff for the place and I was looking forward to having our friends over. We used to have parties all the time when we lived in Washington and I have missed the entertaining. Christian decided to make some white-wine sangria, Dana made some delicious crostinis, and the we had a ton of beer and liquor waiting for the crowd to arrive.

The party was going along very well when Christian called me into the living room and I knew what was coming. I had almost told him not to get me a cake because 1, I donÂ’t really like cake, and 2, this was really more of a housewarming party than a birthday party anyway. I mean, I turned 32, its not like its that big of a deal or anything. So what does he do? He presents me with a cake that he had made from a picture that was taken the first day I got my MINI convertible. We were staying with his sister out in Marin, right across the Golden Gate bridge, and after I had given each of the family members the obligatory ride, I went out for a cruise by myself.

After a delightfully curvy drive around the perimeter of the area, I drove into Tiburon, which is directly across the bay from San Francisco and has views of the GG Bridge as well. I was busy snapping pictures of ‘Coop’, as we named the car, when a passerby car drove by the small parking lot I was in, slammed on the brakes, hit reverse, and quickly joined me in the parking lot. The driver and his wife got out of his car and just had to know what the car was (my shipment was just the 2nd of the convertibles into the US, so it was still pretty new at the time), and that they loved the color, etc, etc. I thought driving with the top down across the GG Bridge was cool enough on my first day of owning this car, and then I get to have random strangers oogle all over it! Well, they offered to snap a pic of me with the car and the bridge in the background, and this picture was the one that Christian used as the basis for the icing on my 32nd birthday cake.

So in addition to thoroughly enjoying the company of all of the people who came out to celebrate with us, I also got to revel in the happy memory of the first day that I got a car I had anticipated getting for almost 3 years. While he also got me a fantastic present (the new SLVR phone with iTunes!) I bet it will be this cake that I remember when I reflect on my 32nd. Happy birthday, indeed.

Powder Hounds

My friend Todd gave me a card for my birthday some years ago that had a picture of an old woman skipping across wet pavement on sidewalk that read 'Ever notice how 'what the hell' is usually the right decision?' That has stuck with me for some time, and certainly rang true this past weekend.

I wrote an earlier entry about learning to snowboard and how, although it's been challenging, its been fun to learn something new. Well, this weekend, my good friend Maria and I took off for Tahoe, hoping to get one last good weekend in, and since she is a skier, I would also get to ski at least once this season. Saturday brought heavy winds and only two lifts open on the mountain and as we went to buy lift tickets, people who came down once and said it was horrible conditions. We sadly decided to pass on skiing.

We both had plans in SF on Sunday, but decided to at least spend the night in Tahoe and try to have some fun before heading back in the morning. However, early the next morning, a huge snowstorm hit the motion, and we woke in the morning to at least 6 inches of fresh snow on the ground. 'What the hell' we said... and what a treat was waiting for us-- tons of powder and hardly anyone on the mountain. However, this being the first time that I had skied this year, I was feeling a bit tentative. Especially skiing in such deep snow, where I could quickly found my skis to be under a half foot of snow, and despite skiing for 20 years now, I have never really been in conditions like this.

Maria is a great skier, however, and gave me a quick lesson in powder snow, and we were off. What a day we had! Despite how much my legs burned to make these impossible turns in the powder and how cold it was, it ended up being The snow as amazing, and the above photo was snapped of me as we made our way down one particularly difficult and powder-laden run as the snow pelted us. The visibility was poor, needless to say. I didn't really think that I would be able to do such runs, but it turned out to be really fun. When she skis with her her dad and brother in such conditions, they call themselves the 'powder-hounds' and I am now an honorary member.

Had we left earlier in the morning, it wouldn't have turned out like that. The weekend was quite a bonding one for us, and I'm glad we said 'what the hell'.

Costa Rica, Cows & Cemeteries

Over C's Spring Break, we made a trek to Costa Rica. This had been a country that had been on my list to see for over 5 years, and it really turned out to be the trip I had always hoped it would be. We saw some amazing sites like the Arenal Volcano-- we got to hike around the base of it, and then when the sun set, see lava flow down the side. We saw the hot springs of Tabacon, where people frolic in the natural heated water in a so beautiful-it-almost-seems-like- Disneyworld-setting except that volcano towering above us was real. We hiked through the Monteverde Cloud Forest, saw monkeys frolic above us, and saw the quetzal, an indigenous bird that our guide was thrilled to see so many of. And of course, we zip-lined-- climbing platforms that towered some 400+ foot above the trees, attaching ourselves to wires and sliding to and from. (yes, it was scary, but it was fantastic) The weather held out for most of the trip, the hotels were good, and the first-class flights were nice as well. (thanks again, Mom)

But as I mentioned on our recent trip to Mexico, as wonderful as all of those things were, something I couldn't have planned for was the highlight of the trip. We ended up traveling with John and Dana, a classmate of C's and his wife, who although were already very high on my list of awesome people, have climbed even higher after the trip. The itinerary worked out that we flew into San Jose together and then would drive together for the 4 hour journey up to Arenal, and then the next 4 hours to Monteverde. Traveling together is an excellent test of a relationship between two people, and even more so four people when you're in a country where no one has ever been, the roads are incredibly poor and good directions are hard to come by. And as it turns out, it will be the time spent with John and Dana on the roadtrips that I'll most likely remember when I look back on the trip.

To use the word 'road' on the way between Arenal and Monteverde is somewhat of a joke. We followed a partially paved road winds around Lake Arenal that then gives way to a mish mash of dirt and rocks for the last 70 mile push to Monteverde (a long way when you're only going 20 mph or so). We tried to make the best of it; we stopped in a town of a few homes and 1 "soda", the Costa Rican term for a cafe. No one at the restaurant spoke English and our Spanish was all pretty rusty. There was no menu and the cook just said 'bistec'. We rolled with it, ordered cuatro platas, and it turned out to be a fabulous meal.

As we pushed on, the drive became weary. We passed a lot of farms, with cows everywhere mindlessly grazing. When we passed a small church with a cemetery, I was reminded of a game my parents used to have my brothers play on road trips. The rules were simple: one person took each side of the road, and as fields went by filled with cows, the person who had that side of the road counted as many as they could see until they were out of sight. The one with more cows wins. Oh, the catch? All would be good unless you passed a cemetery on your side; once that happened, all of your cows would be dead and you'd have to start over from zero. I told this story to make fun of myself and the country surroundings that I grew up in and as we wound our way through the heart of Costa Rica, everyone chuckled. And about 2 minutes later when Dana saw some cows on her side, she started frantically counting. John was on the other side, and it was game on. For the next hour, we laughed excitedly as each new field approached, and time seemed to fly.

In the end, poor John ended up having two cemeteries on his side of the road, and Dana ended up winning the game handily. I hope I get to tell that story to their grandkids someday, and I'll probably still be laughing. If you would have told me going into the trip that all of those dusty hours in the car, counting cows, would have been a highlight, I wouldn't have believed it. But that's the beauty of travel, and really, life- no matter how hard you plan, you never quite know what's around the next bend.

But I'm pulling for more cows.

My Brush with Reality (TV)

It was (finally) sunny here in San Francisco on Saturday and I decided to go for a fun and take Hobbes along with me. (I'm still reveling in the fact that I can go out my door and pass by SBC Park and the Bay Bridge within minutes) The street that SBC Park (where the San Francisco Giants play) is right behind our new apartment, and I'm headed towards the Park when I see the billboard that I've posted a copy of here. I chuckle to myself and think that a group of San Francisco liberals probably got together a bunch of money and decided to give the ol' finger to the biggest cheater in sports since, well, probably ever.

I love sports, but other than going to actually watch the games in nice parks like Camden Yards, and SBC Park, I haven't much cared about baseball since the players strike in 94. Despite my nonchalence about the sport, however, I still have a reverence for the records that the sport holds dear. The Red Sox come back two years ago was some of the most riveting TV ever, as was the Cubs collapse the year before. Sadly, I'm continually shocked at how more and more players are either saying they doped while in the sport or are getting caught and the league does nothing about it. So needless to say, despite being somewhat of a fan of Barry Bonds early in his career when he played for the Pirates, I don't think much of him now.

As I get closer to the billboard, a guy approaches me and asks me if I would mind answering some questions about it. I figured he was on the PR team for whoever created the billboard and they were looking for some good quotes. So I popped out my ear buds and before I knew it, was being filmed as the reporter asked me questions like 'Who do you think is behind this billboard' and and 'Do you think the Giants would be better off without Bonds?' I said that even though the Giants would probably not win as many games without him, they would be better off without him. I continued that it would be nice to see them get rid of him, but I didn't see it happening since pretty much everyone in baseball seems so crooked and out to protect their own. I finished with something along the lines like he was a cheater and didn't belong in the sport or record books.

After the interview was over, I said 'So, are you guys associated with the people who put this up?" The reporter quickly responded saying 'No, we actually don't know who is behind this at all. We work for ESPN." There was a pregnant pause and then it dawned on me as I said 'Are you the crew that is following Bonds around for that reality show, following his run towards the home run record?' and he said 'Yep'.

Feeling a bit red-faced, all I could stammer was 'Lucky you', grabbed Hobbes, and headed off. Will I be the next reality TV star? Doubtful. But I think it pays to know who is interviewing you before you spout off!

Learning is Fun (I Think)

After skiing for 20 years, I decided that I wanted to learn to snowboard this year. I did this for a couple of reasons: although I loved to ski, I was always a bit curious about what all the rage about snowboarding was about; many of my friends had 'converted' from skiing and said they would never go back; the equipment is a whole lot more comfortable; and I thought, learning something new would be fun. Plus, Christian said he would do it too so I thought it would be something neat for us to do together.

Everyone who snowboarded warned me that the first few days would be spent pretty much exclusively on my a**. Over New Year's weekend, we took a group lesson and after the lesson was over, it took 45 minutes to get down one of the bunny slopes. But I guess because I had been so conditioned to expect so little, the day was mostly enjoyable. After being rained out the rest of the weekend, we were back on the mountain with our friends Ryan and Tom, who were both just learning as well. It snowed all day, so anytime I fell, it was like falling into a pillow. After a few trial runs on green dots (that's the easiest slopes) and not falling much, we were collectively emboldened to try some blue squares (intermediate). I really felt like I was catching on, and was hooked.

Well, 2 months went by, and for one reason or another, we didn't make it back up to Tahoe until this past weekend. I knew I'd be a bit rusty, but expected to pick right up where I left. Um, not quite. Getting off the lift became the terror it was on the first day, I couldn't go more than a minute or so without falling, and couldn't even get close to riding on my toes. (To non-snowboarders-- the idea is to go back and forth between riding on heels and toes) We decided to take another lesson and ended up with Bibi, an instructor whose accent was so thick, I could barely understand her. It didn't help that Christian picked up what she was teaching quickly and I just couldn't get it. Bibi kept barking empty praise at me that I finally had to tell her 'I need a minute' to get her away from me. After the lesson, we did one more run and I sorta felt like I sorta was getting it, but overall, the day was a wash. I left the mountain pretty disgusted. I was so frustrated that I wanted to turn in my snowboard and get skis for the next day-- I just wanted to know what the hell I was doing.

Alas, I didn't swap my board out for skis and it was back to the mountain on Sunday. After a first few couple of rough runs, something changed. I was able to be up for a bit longer and I was starting to actually get it. Of course, there was still a lot of falling-- a lot of falling. But I was getting the feel of what it's like to ride on your toes and get the "S" turns. Yes! So then what do we do? Follow our bonehead friend Peter up to a run called Siberia Express. It was a crazysteepnarrow run that we had no business being on. After a brief freak out and throwing some expletives at Christian (sorry, honey), we somehow got down the hill. But over the next few (less steep) runs, the feeling was there again. Awesome! We stopped for lunch and were back out on the mountain. After each time I fell, I could stay up a bit longer and carve longer. However, at this point, even though my brain was totally in the game, my body said no. After 2 long days of falling and falling and falling and twisting in ways I didn't know it could, I was done. As we walked off the slope, I felt good about the improvements I had made and can't wait to get back out there again.

I think our culture of immediate gratification has taught us to expect to master things right away. Any software package I open or website I go to, I feel like I should be able to get right away. I felt like after a day or two of boarding, I should be as good as I was at skiing. Well, it didn't work out quite like that, but I think I'm okay with that. It's an important lesson to remember - learning can be fun again.

A Part of Something Good

When I started my job at Yahoo, which is about 30 miles south of San Francisco, I assumed there would be gay folks everywhere. I mean, the only thing gayer than working at an airline is living in San Francisco, right? Yahoo had the requisite domestic partner policy (that was great for us since Christian was in school) and this being the Bay Area, there was a very open environment. But I was surprised to find that there really just wasn't much of a presence of gays and lesbians at Yahoo!, or so it seemed. That is, until an acquaintance of mine named Brady, who went to Stanford with some of my other friends, started at Yahoo and decided to change all that.

Pretty much single-handedly, he created a GLBT (that's Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered) employee group called Yahoo! Pride that held a number of social events and what do you know, there were a lot more folks there than I thought! He began a number of initiatives to raise awareness of GLBTs across the company. He started a email list where people could communicate with each other (messages like 'Anyone up for a karoke night tonight' or group screenings of Brokeback Mountain were common). A wonderful achievement was last summer, not long after the group formed, during Pride month when a rainbow flag was hung in the cafeteria for the week. Having your workplace place something that is so commonly associated with a group you are part of is a tremendous feeling.

Additionally, he worked to educate how marketing to the GLBT audience could benefit the different businesses that are part of Yahoo. One of these such initiatives was to create a station in the Launch internet radio service that would cater to the gay audience, and he was looking for help to program it from members of the employee group. Dubbed 'Gay Club Mix', this was pretty much right up my alley. I poured through my catalog of songs and created a spreadsheet of 300+ songs and sent them in.

Well, the station went live last week and has been an instant success. It debuted in the top portion of audience members listening of all the stations on Launch and after listening myself for a few hours, I'm really pleased with how it turned out. Yes, the icons like Madonna and Cher are there, but there were also some less mega-popular songs that I had suggested made their way in as well (Mike Rizzo's mix of Becky Baeling's 'Getaway' was one of the such surprises.) So next time you forget your iPod at work, give this station a shot. (Note: a Yahoo! ID may be required) But beware-- you will be tapping your feet and dancing in your chair!

The Good Life

Ahhh, the good life. It's something we all aspire to live. I'm pleased to report we just got back from the big birthday celebration for Christian in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico and got to live that cherised good life for a few days...

Casa Nautilus, the home where we stayed, proved to exceed my (and I think everyone's!) expectations. It was about 7 miles south of the city, perched right on the side of a cliff overlooking The Arches, a stunning Vallara landscape icon. There was a staff of a house man, a cook and a maid who had margaritas and guacamole waiting for us when we arrived, cooked us breakfast every day, and dinner two of the nights we were there. Good life, indeed.

Beyond being waited on hand and foot at the house when we were there, we also had some amazing dinners. The first night out was recommended to us by good friends from C's school and it proved the perfect locale for us all to re-connect; the staff even sang Happy Birthday in Spanish to Christian after dinner. Sunday night we had dinner at an exclusive hotel with a terrace on the side of a hill overlooking the city. We had the deck all to ourselves and got to watch the sun slowly sink into the Pacific Ocean as we sipped cocktails The terrace only had 3 tables capped off with a mariachi band playing. The food was of the fresh out of the sea variety and even though I've had more expensive bottles of champagne before, I don't remember them tasting quite so good.

As shocking as it may be though, this wasn't the best meal experience we would have. Having a staff to serve you food is a great concept -- if you have arranged in advance for them to have the food and for them to be there to cook it for you. Unfortunately, we didn't plan ahead so well on one of the days, and what we thought was the legendary Hotel of the Black Iguana next to the house was certainly a hotel and legendary as promised, but it hasn't been open in years. Miles from anywhere closeby to get food and unable to reach cabs, I had to reach back into my 'Logistics Man' playbook and pull out a full house. We ended up wandering a little bit down the road on the search for something, anything, when a local who worked at one of the mega-houses like the one we were staying in happened to walk out front of the house. We accosted her and she recommeded Le Kliff, which was about 3 miles down the road. However, this being rural Mexico, the roads were quite narrow and there was no way to get a cab.... she recommended the bus and before I could say 'Lady, I don't even ride buses in my home country, much less one that is notorious for rickety old machinery..', one pulled up behind us, she flagged it down, and 50 pesos later, we were on our way. The bus was an old beat up school bus painted blue and the bus driver's four year old sun was sitting with his back to the dashboard collecting the fare. Oh, don't ask me why, but a teddy bear was taped to the area above the dashboard. But little did we know what would be there when we arrived-- simply one of the most stunning restaraunts I have ever had the pleasure of going to. Nestled on the side of the cliff, the picture to the right was taken right by our table and was but one of the many stunning ones I snapped while there. That's why you have to love when unplanned things happen when travelling-- we went from destitue on the side of a road to a decadant experience in about 5 minutes. Even when we weren't trying to lead the good life, it seemed to find us!

Iit probably doesn't matter where we would have gone, being with 7 of my best friends plus Christian is a formula for fun no matter what. But given the choice, I'd take the good life route anytime.

More Absurd than Absurd

Not completely satisfied to horde marriage rights for themselves and themselves only, Social Conservatives are now moving to try and pass more laws outlawing gays from adopting, USA Today reports. In particularly oppressive states like Ohio, laws are actually making their way through the state houses, despite the numerous reports that having gay parents has little impact on a child's ability for success (or not) and that even most of the jerks who voted to outlaw gay marriage don't support it. Read this amusing retort from a Senator in Ohio I found on the Akron Bee site that helps to highlight the important theme here -- just because certain people think that a "way of life" is inherently bad (be it gay or Republican or, gasp, both), that doesn't mean they shouldn't be able to have kids.... or get married or.... have a normal life.... or... whatever.

To: All Senate Members
From: Senator Robert Hagan
Re: Co-Sponsorship Request
Date: February 22, 2006
I intend to introduce legislation in the near future that would ban households with one or more Republican voters from adopting children or acting as foster parents. Policymakers in Columbus have ignored this growing threat to our communities for far too long. My legislation is modeled after a bill recently introduced in the Ohio House by Rep. Ron Hood (R-Ashville via Carrollton), which would prohibit homosexual, bisexual and transgender people from adopting children. It is unclear at this point whether Rep. Hood supports my legislation, though I remain hopeful.
Credible research exists that strongly suggests that adopted children raised in Republican households, though significantly wealthier than their Democrat-raised counterparts, are more at risk for developing emotional problems, social stigmas, inflated egos, an alarming lack of tolerance for others they deem different than themselves, and an air of overconfidence to mask their insecurities.
In addition, I have spoken to many adopted children raised in Republican households who have admitted that, ``Well, it's just plain boring most of the time.'' In fact, one adopted child raised in a fiercely partisan Republican household in suburban Cincinnati described his upbringing as ``18 years of hellish terror.'' ``A nightmare I haven't yet awoken from,'' said a 25-year-old Republican adoptee that chose to remain nameless.
If you are interested in co-sponsoring this legislation, please feel free to contact my office.

As ridiculous as it is to consider, I wish a few of them could read this and see the ridiculousness they continue to raise through their efforts to keep things to themselves that they don't own. To my dear family members/readers who don't think the current adminstration's support of these people effects anyone, here's another example of efforts to institutionalize homophobia-- that is, the ability to lawfully discriminate against me and people like me. When will it end?

We Live Here!

Christian and I talked for many years about living in San Francisco. We even had a name for it-- 'The West Coast Plan'. We would have fun during our 20s, and then by the time I turned 30 (which seemed sooooo far away when we hatched the plan), we would really sit down and figure out a) if/how we would start a family and b) try and determine where we would settle, ie, California. Hence, the name of the plan.

So we had a great time in our 20s and I never really thought we would live in California anyway. But then Christian got into Stanford and I got my job at Yahoo! within a month of each other, and we suddenly found ourselves living here on the west coast. Many times since then, whenever we experience something very California-- say, looking out over Lake Tahoe or a week of 75 degree temperatures in February, we would turn to each other and say 'We live here!' There's always a sense of amazement that we're both here, actually living the life we talked about for so long.

But now it gets better, because we actually live in San Francisco, not a suburb. I was walking Hobbes tonight up on top of Potrero Hill (our neighborhood) and came across a view like the one in the picture, as the sun was setting. The city sat there in all her glory, the Bay Bridge lit up and the sun setting behind the Golden Gate. It was a stunning view, and it really hit me-- 'we live here!'

So we only have an apartment, we're still a bit away from seriously considering kids, and Christian hasn't even graudated or started his job yet. But standing there on the top of the hill, overlooking my new home city, I couldn't help but feel the West Coast plan is coming into place.

I trust that will be the first of many more wonderful San Francisco memories to come.

"Going to the Chapel... And We're Gonna Get DP'd..."

Well, not really, but Christian and I did finally fill out the forms to be domestic partners here in California and send them away for official recognition. (For those of you who don't follow this closely, Mass. is the one state we can get married in but they don't marry out-of-staters due to a law from the early 1900s that tried to discourage inter-racial marriages (!) while VT and CT call them civil unions, and CA domestic partnerships that grant most of the in-state rights of married couples such as estate rights and hospital visitation)

It was just as I had imagined my government would recognize my relationship someday.... on a quick break from work.... squeezing into an cube of an administrative assistant at Yahoo who is also a Notary Public.... Christian wearing a Stanford sweatshirt and flip-flops and me in my polo shirt and jeans..... and when I heard the forceful stamp of the notary's stamp against the printed-from-the-internet form, I really felt that my government was doing right by me.

Uh, not quite. I'm not one to kick a gift horse in the mouth and all, but even my most optimistic description of the transaction today would equate the process to applying for a driver's license. Christian and I have been together 8 wonderful years now - and one commitment ceremony (in Washington, DC), one civil union (in Vermont), one near-marriage (in San Francisco during those glorious few days of Valentine's Day 2004 when Mayor Newsome opened up City Hall) and now a domestic partnership later, I'm left to wonder what the big deal is about just calling it a marriage and being done with it already.

In fact, the euphoria that we felt when we got to be part of those historic days in San Francisco led us to say 'Look, we're not doing this again until it's 100% legit, recognized in the municipality we live in, and we are married. Period.' But here we go again, drawn like moths to the flame of any governmental recognition. So why keep doing it? Well, it's important to stand up and be counted, I think. Call it civil union, domestic partnership, whatever, if someone is counting, I think that Christian and I should be part of it. To let people know that there are people that think, even though its pretty much marriage in everything but name to the state of California, that even those rights conferred are still important. To let people know that these increments of steps are a good thing, even if its still not enough.

Nearly 5 years out from our big event, I can truly appreciate the gravity standing in front of your friends and family and committing your love, carries-- what most people called getting married. Back then, we struggled with what to call it; some members of my family had issues with the 'wedding' word. This being 2001, before gay marriage was even a term here in the US, we called it a commitment ceremony. It was a wonderful event, hands down the best day of my life. But in hindsight, it was a wedding, and we got married, government be damned. And we should have called it that. If I asked any of my married friends/readers 'Would you rather have a civil union, domestic partnership or a marriage..?', what would they say? Separate is not equal, period.

All that said, this is still a milestone in our relationship, and one worth celebrating and noting. I'm so lucky that I get to be domestic partnered/civil unioned/married/sharing my life/whatever you call it with someone as kind, loving and generous as Christian. The labels we have or don't have or have full access to does nothing to dimish that, but I still look forward to the day we get to add a wedding certificate to our ever-growing collection of documents.

Anti-Rockwell

I just came across this delightfully subversive photo portfolio on vanityfair.com. Dubbed 'Anti-Rockwell', photographer Erwin Olaf takes the familiar settings we've seen from various rooms with a character or two, and spins them on their head. My favorites are 'The Bedroom' (is he getting into bed? What is he thinking about?), 'The Hallway (what are these two people up to?), and pictured here, 'The Ice Cream Parlor'.

Enjoy the photos and wonder away if this is the antithesis of Rockwell or what else could be.....

Super Memories

It's Super Bowl time and my team is IN-- Go Steelers! I like pretty much all sports, but the NFL has a special place in my heart. My dad took me to see a Baltimore Colts game in 1983 when I was nine or so, and I've been hooked ever since. I collected all of the helmets out of those 25-cent machines at the grocery stores, had an NFL lunchbox and would keep track of the standings throughout the season. Since I was a swimmer, I decided that the Dolphins would be my favorite team, and it was a good choice, as Dan Marino was just beginning his career as I began to follow the game. However, I also became particularly fond of the bad teams of the era, part of my always-root-for-the-underdog mentality-- some teams that have since become a whole lot better (Seattle and Tampa Bay) and others that are still among the bottom feeders (New Orleans and Arizona).

Every game matters in the NFL and despite the Patriots' recent run, parity runs rampant in the league. No one would have predicted a Pittsburgh/Seattle Super Bowl this year and that's one of the things I love about the game. With the NFL, there are no endless string of meaningless games (hello baseball!), no disproportiante level of oversized egos that ruin the game (NBA) and a sport that more than just a few other people in the country follow (NHL). Years later when I went to school in Pittsburgh, I adopted the Steelers as my favorite team, as they continue to be. I've been to games in Pittsbugh, Washington, Baltimore, Buffalo, Tampa, San Francisco, Phoenix and Seattle. I'd like to go to every stadium in the country, but Christian asked if we could skip Kansas City and I said ok. Yes, I've been an NFL fan all of my life, something that has been made a bit more challenging since I have discovered that I'm gay, but my love with the game continues.

So as we roll into the Super Bowl weekend, I thought I'd share some of my favorite Super Bowl memories:

Super Bowl XX - After they dispatched of my Dolphins and became the first wild card team to win all road games to go to the Super Bowl, I really wanted the 85 Patriots to give the Bears a run for their money. As I mentioned before, I always seem to root for the underdog. Probably because of their overwhelming popularity, I was pretty tired of Jim McMachon, the Fridge, etc etc. and their Super Bowl Shuffle. Final score? Chicago 46, New England 10. No one said rooting for the underdog was easy.

Super Bowl XXV - Say 'wide right' to any sports fan and he will immediately think of this game, where Bills kicker Scott Norwood just missed a kick at the end of the game to win it for Buffalo. This was my junior year in high school, and my whole group congregated in the basement of my friend Jason's parents house. There were probably 20 or so of us crowded to watch the game and as Norwood's kick went up and just missed, we were all jumping up and down in excitement. However, there wasn't much room to do that and one of my friends ended up putting a hole in the ceiling with his head. And Norwood thought he was in pain!

Super Bowl XXX- My senior year of college in Pittsburgh and the Steelers were finally back in the Super Bowl to win 'one for the thumb', or a 5th championship since the 4 they notched in the 70s. Living in Pittsburgh was INSANE at the time-- you couldn't go anywhere without seeing black and gold or hearing people talking about it. I remember being at the grocery store when the Steelers fight song came on the music system and pretty much everyone in the store was singing right along. My roommate and I had a gang over to watch the game and it was very exciting. Alas, due to a poor special teams outing and a few interceptions, the Steelers were never much in it. Already down at halftime, the group at the house was looking for something to give them a sign of hope. And there it was- in the form of Diana Ross, the halftime performer. As Ms Ross sang her song, my friend Jen Kelly suddenly cried--'There it is... she's wearing gold............ and she's black!" Priceless.

Super Bowl XXXIV- So I had come out of the closet and suddenly found myself surronded by people who didn't know the first thing about football. I decided to throw a party we dubbed 'Super Butch' and try to get my friends excited about the game. I had to break it down to the point of explaining what a first and ten meant and that a field goal was three points as opposed to a touchdown being six points with an extra point being one. The game ended up having one of the most breathtaking finishes in history--St Louis stopped Tennesee a yard and a half shy of a tieing touchdown on the last play of the game-- but the excitement level just wasn't the same when watching the game with a group of people for whom it was the same as watching a foreign movie with no subtitles. A few weeks later, one of those friends would invite me to a party to watch the Oscars and I couldn't imagine why people would get together to watch that. Much like I'm sure they thought about getting together to watch a football game.

I'm hoping that Super Bowl XL will be added to this list when the Steelers finally get that one for the thumb. So till Super Sunday, GO STEELERS!

If You're Going to San Francisco....

We're moving! After countless drives to and from the city from Palo Alto, we found an apartment and are moving in the middle of next month. We are both very excited to be in the heading back to city life-- as lovely as PA has been, we just never quite fit in with all of the strollers and Volvo station wagons in our neighborhood.

A brief history lesson of Ben and Christian-lore: we met in 1998 during C's senior year at Georgetown, he had already accepted a job in San Francisco starting in September. Not that it mattered much; we fell in love anyway. But he moved and began another love affair of sorts; this one with the city of San Francisco. He decided in late 99 to move back to DC to see if things would work out with us, and thank goodness, they did. However, he always wanted to get back to San Francisco. Over the next years and many visits to the city, he convinced me that it would be pretty exciting to move to SF as well. So when he got into Stanford, it was great, except we had to live 30 mi. south of San Francisco in Palo Alto, not the city! Yikes...

So having lived in the hood during our years in DC and now having lived almost 2 years in the 'Burbs, the following has become even more clear in my head:

• People who live in the suburbs always say it isn't bad to drive to the city when they come in. They're lying. It sucks. Especially the driving back part.
• The grocery stores in the suburbs are a lot bigger and better stocked. Anyone who lives in Dupont Circle is well versed in the 'Soviet Safeway', that would often be totally out of milk, eggs, etc. and then force you to stand in lines that could take 15 minutes to get through. The Safeway in Palo Alto is an entire city block that has enough food to feed a small country for a month. With parking.
• People who live in the city will always think they are superior to those who don't. There's a certain street cred that comes with putting up with all the sacrifices required to live in the city that creates this air. And for the most part, they're right.
• The suburbs are safer. Two of my friends in the city have had their cars broken into and a thief chased away from breaking into their house (see aforementioned street cred). Conversely, Christian and I didn't lock our door here in Palo Alto for months on end until I finally recently insisted that we do-- you know, just because.
• City people don't really understand why people who do live in the suburbs. Countless times when I've met people in San Francisco over the past two years have simply asked 'Why?' when I said we live in Palo Alto. Despite the argument of Christian being at school in Stanford, me working close by, the weather, etc., most of the would just nod at me with a vague sense of recognition, much in the same way a child listens to their parents talk about how much harder they had it when they were younger.
• Strangely enough, stuff you need is closer by when you live in the suburbs. The city has all of the cool boutiques and the fabulous place for brunch, but as much as city people may not like to admit it, everyone has to get to Target and the like. Fact is, they and other frequent shopping needs are just closer to the suburban folks.

Despite all of the niceties of the suburbs, there are many more reasons we can't wait to get back to the city side of the equation. But I think the largest one, and the one that every city person will always have, is the sense of adventure city life entails. Suburban life has a comforting sameness, but its just not as exciting. City life has an energy, a verve, a sense of wonder the suburbs, even one as delightful as Palo Alto, can't match.

So on we go, to finally live the life we've been looking forward to for 7+ years, in San Francisco.

I Knew It All Along...

I just got done reading this book called 'Everything Bad is Good For You: How Today's Pop Culture is Actually Making Us Smarter'. Its written by an acclaimed scientific writer named Steven Johnson takes the accepted conventional wisdom that things in pop culture like video games, reality shows and the Web are bad for us and completely turns it on its head. In his last book, Johnson monitored his own brain waves and reported about how to better harness them, so no worries that this would be a piece of US Weekly fluff.

His argument centers around what he calls 'The Sleeper Curve', which says that all of the things that pop culture throws at us creates a much higher cognitive load and therefore, creates the ability to think, create, and solve at a higher level. He uses a number of examples and makes a compellingly provocative case that people maybe shouldn't worry so much about the content of what people (read: children) are consuming, but what they are doing with it and how it informs critical thinking.

Two examples he uses:

• People constantly bemoan video games and how they are no good for kids. But Johnson digs a little deeper and reveals how much thinking really goes into these games, which often take more than 40 hours to solve. He draws on the most popular video game of all time (one, I admit, I never much got into), The Sims: players must probe the virtual world, form hypothesis about what something might mean, reprobe with that hypothesis in mind and then learn if it worked or not. While kids don't necessarily think of it that way, repeating this process over and over again to get to the ultimate goal of the game is a lesson well learned. Compared to Pong or Ms. Pac-Man (which, I must admit, I still enjoy from time to time), which teach little more than pattern recognition, the Sleeper Curve shows itself.
• He compares TV shows of a generation ago to now. He takes highbrow shows such as 24 and compares it to Dragnet. As anyone who watches 24 knows, it takes all of your attention to follow along and they still find ways to completely shock you with the twists and turns of the plots. He compares this to Dragnet, which while an extremely popular show, really only had one thread that needed to be followed. Or even more recently, Dallas-- which although it had multiple storylines, the writers and directors used obvious clues in the scripts and staging to allow a viewer who wasn't paying such close attention to follow along. On the other end of the TV food-chain, he compares the dreaded reality shows like Survivor to The Love Boat. No one would characterize either show as high-brow entertainment, but even the casual viewer of Survivor would agree the storylines require a deep and thorough understanding of how the characters interact with each other and the fundamental fallacies of human nature to really follow along. As much as we loved the crew of the Love Boat, there was never much guessing about the roles they each played and what the outcome of the show would be.

There are many more examples in this quick 200-page read and I recommend it for any pop culture observer or, honestly, parents (who have the time to read!) Its refreshing to see such a solid argument against what most people commonly accept to be true.

So there-- pop culture is good for you. Us Weekly readers of the world, rejoice!

** Read a delightfully detailed review of the book by Malcolm Gladwell, of 'Tipping Point' and 'Blink' fame

To the Nth Degree

Every now and then a band comes along that makes you stop. And. Say. Oh Yeah....

This edition's version of that band is called Morningwood (get it?). Despite the sophomoric name for the band, their sound is all out fun rock n' roll, a nice break to my ear from the house music I'm usually so obsessed with. The sound calls to mind the latest craze of danceable rock a la Franz Ferdinand and the Killers, but the lead singer here is a woman who works it out. Their recently-released eponymous album is a kick in the pants from the start to finish, esp 'Babysitter' (inc. the lyric 'don't you need someone to tuck you in....your momma shouldn't let me babysit....) and 'New York Girls' (n-n-n-n-New York Girls... you know you're hot... a-a-a-a-attitude.... and that's what makes you rock!)

But the best song by far is called 'Nth Degree' and the video is even better. The song is a groovy combination of rock and disco (Smashing Pumpkins' '1979' had to be an influence here) that is fun in itself. The video starts with a record rack and as the person pulls each album cover out, its a walk through the history of music over the past 30 years. Each vignette has the members of the band in some typical video frame of the decade. Pissed off punk of the late 70s? Check. Aerobics of the early 80s? Check. Heavy metal concert videos of the late 80s? Check. Rap videos of the 90s? Check check check. They are all here, with many others and its result is deliriously genius. Watch it here and pay attention to the different ways 'Morningwood' is spelled out on the various albums.

Is it music that will be remembered 20 years from now? Probably not, but its still fun. Its this type of combining the best of different elements to make a new one (read Matt's entry on The Gorillaz, another hybrid band that is mega-popular right now) that's also happening all over the Web as well, known as 'Web 2.0'. As long as it produces results like this, may such innovation continue to prosper.

Brokeback Mountain : The Good, The Bad, and The Hot

I finally got to see 'Brokeback Mountain' right before New Year's Eve. I was pleased to see the movie held up to all of the reviews' glowing praise through my eyes. The film captured the gay experience like no other so far and will hopefully become the hit it deserves to as it opens up wider this month. I wanted to throw in a few comments, without revealing any major plot points for those who haven't seen it yet.

The good:

• Honesty: The movie does not flinch from telling the truth, whether it be to the two men's genuine and endearing love for each other, or the ill effect their dishonesty with their wives and families has on everyone involved. If more of the people who are carping about the film's pushing of the 'gay agenda' would actually see it, much of that furor would die down. There's no romanticism of homosexuality here, and the movie is better for it.
• Parents' Effect: The flashback scene where Ledger's dad takes him to see what happened to the local farmer who lived with another man is haunting in its own context. But what gay person didn't sit there and reflect on the numerous times as pre-adolescents, before any semblance of sexuality was showing, that we all were told or shown that quite simply, gay=bad? The gay jokes.... the comments about AIDS..... the lack of any visibility into any type of positive gay images.... so years later when those feelings began to manifest themselves, they needed to be quickly and quietly buried. Haunting stuff.
• Gay-Straight Relationships: In a refreshing turn, the movie took time to show how a gay man and straight woman can start a relationship and build something from that. Many of my gay friends have said they've known from day one they were gay, but it wasn't that obvious for me. I dated my share of women through college and had genuine feelings for them, which I saw on screen for the first time.
• The acting: This is the movie that should define Heath Ledger's career. He took what in many actor's hands could have been a mean-spirited, self-loathing cretin and made him a tortured soul who every gay man, or anyone who has ever had something be so right yet so wrong, will identify with in some way or another.

The bad (or not-as-good, anyway...)

• Pace: The movie is sloooooow. The first hour of the movie is very lush in its scenery and its long drawn out build up to Jake and Heath's first encounter. Things start moving faster towards the middle and completion of the film, and then were almost too fast for me. The scene where Jake's character's story is concluded was too fast and ambiguous. Overall, I would have preferred the pace to be evened out a bit.
• Sense of time: The story is told over 20+ years, but beyond Anne Hathaway's sometimes amusing wigs (read a funny blog entry charting America's history through said wigs), it was hard to get a real sense of time passing. Obviously the same actors had to play the parts across the expanse of years, but I felt a bit better job could have been done to demonstrate it.

The hot:

• Come on, Jake Gyllenhall and Heath Ledger make out! What else do you need to know?? But seriously, the release of pent up emotions and fumbling nature of their first encounter is amazingly true.

Overall, its a brilliant film. The best part about it for me is that it makes the viewer think and for many straight people in the audience, see a part of the gay experience they would have not otherwise seen. I left the movie satisfied, but the more I reflect on it and discuss it with others, the more it effects me. To me, that's what makes a powerful piece of media-- when people continue to discuss the good and bad long after its been produced.

Well, and lord knows all of us guys will be talking about the hot for sometime as well.