Learning is Fun (I Think)

After skiing for 20 years, I decided that I wanted to learn to snowboard this year. I did this for a couple of reasons: although I loved to ski, I was always a bit curious about what all the rage about snowboarding was about; many of my friends had 'converted' from skiing and said they would never go back; the equipment is a whole lot more comfortable; and I thought, learning something new would be fun. Plus, Christian said he would do it too so I thought it would be something neat for us to do together.

Everyone who snowboarded warned me that the first few days would be spent pretty much exclusively on my a**. Over New Year's weekend, we took a group lesson and after the lesson was over, it took 45 minutes to get down one of the bunny slopes. But I guess because I had been so conditioned to expect so little, the day was mostly enjoyable. After being rained out the rest of the weekend, we were back on the mountain with our friends Ryan and Tom, who were both just learning as well. It snowed all day, so anytime I fell, it was like falling into a pillow. After a few trial runs on green dots (that's the easiest slopes) and not falling much, we were collectively emboldened to try some blue squares (intermediate). I really felt like I was catching on, and was hooked.

Well, 2 months went by, and for one reason or another, we didn't make it back up to Tahoe until this past weekend. I knew I'd be a bit rusty, but expected to pick right up where I left. Um, not quite. Getting off the lift became the terror it was on the first day, I couldn't go more than a minute or so without falling, and couldn't even get close to riding on my toes. (To non-snowboarders-- the idea is to go back and forth between riding on heels and toes) We decided to take another lesson and ended up with Bibi, an instructor whose accent was so thick, I could barely understand her. It didn't help that Christian picked up what she was teaching quickly and I just couldn't get it. Bibi kept barking empty praise at me that I finally had to tell her 'I need a minute' to get her away from me. After the lesson, we did one more run and I sorta felt like I sorta was getting it, but overall, the day was a wash. I left the mountain pretty disgusted. I was so frustrated that I wanted to turn in my snowboard and get skis for the next day-- I just wanted to know what the hell I was doing.

Alas, I didn't swap my board out for skis and it was back to the mountain on Sunday. After a first few couple of rough runs, something changed. I was able to be up for a bit longer and I was starting to actually get it. Of course, there was still a lot of falling-- a lot of falling. But I was getting the feel of what it's like to ride on your toes and get the "S" turns. Yes! So then what do we do? Follow our bonehead friend Peter up to a run called Siberia Express. It was a crazysteepnarrow run that we had no business being on. After a brief freak out and throwing some expletives at Christian (sorry, honey), we somehow got down the hill. But over the next few (less steep) runs, the feeling was there again. Awesome! We stopped for lunch and were back out on the mountain. After each time I fell, I could stay up a bit longer and carve longer. However, at this point, even though my brain was totally in the game, my body said no. After 2 long days of falling and falling and falling and twisting in ways I didn't know it could, I was done. As we walked off the slope, I felt good about the improvements I had made and can't wait to get back out there again.

I think our culture of immediate gratification has taught us to expect to master things right away. Any software package I open or website I go to, I feel like I should be able to get right away. I felt like after a day or two of boarding, I should be as good as I was at skiing. Well, it didn't work out quite like that, but I think I'm okay with that. It's an important lesson to remember - learning can be fun again.

A Part of Something Good

When I started my job at Yahoo, which is about 30 miles south of San Francisco, I assumed there would be gay folks everywhere. I mean, the only thing gayer than working at an airline is living in San Francisco, right? Yahoo had the requisite domestic partner policy (that was great for us since Christian was in school) and this being the Bay Area, there was a very open environment. But I was surprised to find that there really just wasn't much of a presence of gays and lesbians at Yahoo!, or so it seemed. That is, until an acquaintance of mine named Brady, who went to Stanford with some of my other friends, started at Yahoo and decided to change all that.

Pretty much single-handedly, he created a GLBT (that's Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered) employee group called Yahoo! Pride that held a number of social events and what do you know, there were a lot more folks there than I thought! He began a number of initiatives to raise awareness of GLBTs across the company. He started a email list where people could communicate with each other (messages like 'Anyone up for a karoke night tonight' or group screenings of Brokeback Mountain were common). A wonderful achievement was last summer, not long after the group formed, during Pride month when a rainbow flag was hung in the cafeteria for the week. Having your workplace place something that is so commonly associated with a group you are part of is a tremendous feeling.

Additionally, he worked to educate how marketing to the GLBT audience could benefit the different businesses that are part of Yahoo. One of these such initiatives was to create a station in the Launch internet radio service that would cater to the gay audience, and he was looking for help to program it from members of the employee group. Dubbed 'Gay Club Mix', this was pretty much right up my alley. I poured through my catalog of songs and created a spreadsheet of 300+ songs and sent them in.

Well, the station went live last week and has been an instant success. It debuted in the top portion of audience members listening of all the stations on Launch and after listening myself for a few hours, I'm really pleased with how it turned out. Yes, the icons like Madonna and Cher are there, but there were also some less mega-popular songs that I had suggested made their way in as well (Mike Rizzo's mix of Becky Baeling's 'Getaway' was one of the such surprises.) So next time you forget your iPod at work, give this station a shot. (Note: a Yahoo! ID may be required) But beware-- you will be tapping your feet and dancing in your chair!

The Good Life

Ahhh, the good life. It's something we all aspire to live. I'm pleased to report we just got back from the big birthday celebration for Christian in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico and got to live that cherised good life for a few days...

Casa Nautilus, the home where we stayed, proved to exceed my (and I think everyone's!) expectations. It was about 7 miles south of the city, perched right on the side of a cliff overlooking The Arches, a stunning Vallara landscape icon. There was a staff of a house man, a cook and a maid who had margaritas and guacamole waiting for us when we arrived, cooked us breakfast every day, and dinner two of the nights we were there. Good life, indeed.

Beyond being waited on hand and foot at the house when we were there, we also had some amazing dinners. The first night out was recommended to us by good friends from C's school and it proved the perfect locale for us all to re-connect; the staff even sang Happy Birthday in Spanish to Christian after dinner. Sunday night we had dinner at an exclusive hotel with a terrace on the side of a hill overlooking the city. We had the deck all to ourselves and got to watch the sun slowly sink into the Pacific Ocean as we sipped cocktails The terrace only had 3 tables capped off with a mariachi band playing. The food was of the fresh out of the sea variety and even though I've had more expensive bottles of champagne before, I don't remember them tasting quite so good.

As shocking as it may be though, this wasn't the best meal experience we would have. Having a staff to serve you food is a great concept -- if you have arranged in advance for them to have the food and for them to be there to cook it for you. Unfortunately, we didn't plan ahead so well on one of the days, and what we thought was the legendary Hotel of the Black Iguana next to the house was certainly a hotel and legendary as promised, but it hasn't been open in years. Miles from anywhere closeby to get food and unable to reach cabs, I had to reach back into my 'Logistics Man' playbook and pull out a full house. We ended up wandering a little bit down the road on the search for something, anything, when a local who worked at one of the mega-houses like the one we were staying in happened to walk out front of the house. We accosted her and she recommeded Le Kliff, which was about 3 miles down the road. However, this being rural Mexico, the roads were quite narrow and there was no way to get a cab.... she recommended the bus and before I could say 'Lady, I don't even ride buses in my home country, much less one that is notorious for rickety old machinery..', one pulled up behind us, she flagged it down, and 50 pesos later, we were on our way. The bus was an old beat up school bus painted blue and the bus driver's four year old sun was sitting with his back to the dashboard collecting the fare. Oh, don't ask me why, but a teddy bear was taped to the area above the dashboard. But little did we know what would be there when we arrived-- simply one of the most stunning restaraunts I have ever had the pleasure of going to. Nestled on the side of the cliff, the picture to the right was taken right by our table and was but one of the many stunning ones I snapped while there. That's why you have to love when unplanned things happen when travelling-- we went from destitue on the side of a road to a decadant experience in about 5 minutes. Even when we weren't trying to lead the good life, it seemed to find us!

Iit probably doesn't matter where we would have gone, being with 7 of my best friends plus Christian is a formula for fun no matter what. But given the choice, I'd take the good life route anytime.

More Absurd than Absurd

Not completely satisfied to horde marriage rights for themselves and themselves only, Social Conservatives are now moving to try and pass more laws outlawing gays from adopting, USA Today reports. In particularly oppressive states like Ohio, laws are actually making their way through the state houses, despite the numerous reports that having gay parents has little impact on a child's ability for success (or not) and that even most of the jerks who voted to outlaw gay marriage don't support it. Read this amusing retort from a Senator in Ohio I found on the Akron Bee site that helps to highlight the important theme here -- just because certain people think that a "way of life" is inherently bad (be it gay or Republican or, gasp, both), that doesn't mean they shouldn't be able to have kids.... or get married or.... have a normal life.... or... whatever.

To: All Senate Members
From: Senator Robert Hagan
Re: Co-Sponsorship Request
Date: February 22, 2006
I intend to introduce legislation in the near future that would ban households with one or more Republican voters from adopting children or acting as foster parents. Policymakers in Columbus have ignored this growing threat to our communities for far too long. My legislation is modeled after a bill recently introduced in the Ohio House by Rep. Ron Hood (R-Ashville via Carrollton), which would prohibit homosexual, bisexual and transgender people from adopting children. It is unclear at this point whether Rep. Hood supports my legislation, though I remain hopeful.
Credible research exists that strongly suggests that adopted children raised in Republican households, though significantly wealthier than their Democrat-raised counterparts, are more at risk for developing emotional problems, social stigmas, inflated egos, an alarming lack of tolerance for others they deem different than themselves, and an air of overconfidence to mask their insecurities.
In addition, I have spoken to many adopted children raised in Republican households who have admitted that, ``Well, it's just plain boring most of the time.'' In fact, one adopted child raised in a fiercely partisan Republican household in suburban Cincinnati described his upbringing as ``18 years of hellish terror.'' ``A nightmare I haven't yet awoken from,'' said a 25-year-old Republican adoptee that chose to remain nameless.
If you are interested in co-sponsoring this legislation, please feel free to contact my office.

As ridiculous as it is to consider, I wish a few of them could read this and see the ridiculousness they continue to raise through their efforts to keep things to themselves that they don't own. To my dear family members/readers who don't think the current adminstration's support of these people effects anyone, here's another example of efforts to institutionalize homophobia-- that is, the ability to lawfully discriminate against me and people like me. When will it end?

We Live Here!

Christian and I talked for many years about living in San Francisco. We even had a name for it-- 'The West Coast Plan'. We would have fun during our 20s, and then by the time I turned 30 (which seemed sooooo far away when we hatched the plan), we would really sit down and figure out a) if/how we would start a family and b) try and determine where we would settle, ie, California. Hence, the name of the plan.

So we had a great time in our 20s and I never really thought we would live in California anyway. But then Christian got into Stanford and I got my job at Yahoo! within a month of each other, and we suddenly found ourselves living here on the west coast. Many times since then, whenever we experience something very California-- say, looking out over Lake Tahoe or a week of 75 degree temperatures in February, we would turn to each other and say 'We live here!' There's always a sense of amazement that we're both here, actually living the life we talked about for so long.

But now it gets better, because we actually live in San Francisco, not a suburb. I was walking Hobbes tonight up on top of Potrero Hill (our neighborhood) and came across a view like the one in the picture, as the sun was setting. The city sat there in all her glory, the Bay Bridge lit up and the sun setting behind the Golden Gate. It was a stunning view, and it really hit me-- 'we live here!'

So we only have an apartment, we're still a bit away from seriously considering kids, and Christian hasn't even graudated or started his job yet. But standing there on the top of the hill, overlooking my new home city, I couldn't help but feel the West Coast plan is coming into place.

I trust that will be the first of many more wonderful San Francisco memories to come.

"Going to the Chapel... And We're Gonna Get DP'd..."

Well, not really, but Christian and I did finally fill out the forms to be domestic partners here in California and send them away for official recognition. (For those of you who don't follow this closely, Mass. is the one state we can get married in but they don't marry out-of-staters due to a law from the early 1900s that tried to discourage inter-racial marriages (!) while VT and CT call them civil unions, and CA domestic partnerships that grant most of the in-state rights of married couples such as estate rights and hospital visitation)

It was just as I had imagined my government would recognize my relationship someday.... on a quick break from work.... squeezing into an cube of an administrative assistant at Yahoo who is also a Notary Public.... Christian wearing a Stanford sweatshirt and flip-flops and me in my polo shirt and jeans..... and when I heard the forceful stamp of the notary's stamp against the printed-from-the-internet form, I really felt that my government was doing right by me.

Uh, not quite. I'm not one to kick a gift horse in the mouth and all, but even my most optimistic description of the transaction today would equate the process to applying for a driver's license. Christian and I have been together 8 wonderful years now - and one commitment ceremony (in Washington, DC), one civil union (in Vermont), one near-marriage (in San Francisco during those glorious few days of Valentine's Day 2004 when Mayor Newsome opened up City Hall) and now a domestic partnership later, I'm left to wonder what the big deal is about just calling it a marriage and being done with it already.

In fact, the euphoria that we felt when we got to be part of those historic days in San Francisco led us to say 'Look, we're not doing this again until it's 100% legit, recognized in the municipality we live in, and we are married. Period.' But here we go again, drawn like moths to the flame of any governmental recognition. So why keep doing it? Well, it's important to stand up and be counted, I think. Call it civil union, domestic partnership, whatever, if someone is counting, I think that Christian and I should be part of it. To let people know that there are people that think, even though its pretty much marriage in everything but name to the state of California, that even those rights conferred are still important. To let people know that these increments of steps are a good thing, even if its still not enough.

Nearly 5 years out from our big event, I can truly appreciate the gravity standing in front of your friends and family and committing your love, carries-- what most people called getting married. Back then, we struggled with what to call it; some members of my family had issues with the 'wedding' word. This being 2001, before gay marriage was even a term here in the US, we called it a commitment ceremony. It was a wonderful event, hands down the best day of my life. But in hindsight, it was a wedding, and we got married, government be damned. And we should have called it that. If I asked any of my married friends/readers 'Would you rather have a civil union, domestic partnership or a marriage..?', what would they say? Separate is not equal, period.

All that said, this is still a milestone in our relationship, and one worth celebrating and noting. I'm so lucky that I get to be domestic partnered/civil unioned/married/sharing my life/whatever you call it with someone as kind, loving and generous as Christian. The labels we have or don't have or have full access to does nothing to dimish that, but I still look forward to the day we get to add a wedding certificate to our ever-growing collection of documents.

Anti-Rockwell

I just came across this delightfully subversive photo portfolio on vanityfair.com. Dubbed 'Anti-Rockwell', photographer Erwin Olaf takes the familiar settings we've seen from various rooms with a character or two, and spins them on their head. My favorites are 'The Bedroom' (is he getting into bed? What is he thinking about?), 'The Hallway (what are these two people up to?), and pictured here, 'The Ice Cream Parlor'.

Enjoy the photos and wonder away if this is the antithesis of Rockwell or what else could be.....

Super Memories

It's Super Bowl time and my team is IN-- Go Steelers! I like pretty much all sports, but the NFL has a special place in my heart. My dad took me to see a Baltimore Colts game in 1983 when I was nine or so, and I've been hooked ever since. I collected all of the helmets out of those 25-cent machines at the grocery stores, had an NFL lunchbox and would keep track of the standings throughout the season. Since I was a swimmer, I decided that the Dolphins would be my favorite team, and it was a good choice, as Dan Marino was just beginning his career as I began to follow the game. However, I also became particularly fond of the bad teams of the era, part of my always-root-for-the-underdog mentality-- some teams that have since become a whole lot better (Seattle and Tampa Bay) and others that are still among the bottom feeders (New Orleans and Arizona).

Every game matters in the NFL and despite the Patriots' recent run, parity runs rampant in the league. No one would have predicted a Pittsburgh/Seattle Super Bowl this year and that's one of the things I love about the game. With the NFL, there are no endless string of meaningless games (hello baseball!), no disproportiante level of oversized egos that ruin the game (NBA) and a sport that more than just a few other people in the country follow (NHL). Years later when I went to school in Pittsburgh, I adopted the Steelers as my favorite team, as they continue to be. I've been to games in Pittsbugh, Washington, Baltimore, Buffalo, Tampa, San Francisco, Phoenix and Seattle. I'd like to go to every stadium in the country, but Christian asked if we could skip Kansas City and I said ok. Yes, I've been an NFL fan all of my life, something that has been made a bit more challenging since I have discovered that I'm gay, but my love with the game continues.

So as we roll into the Super Bowl weekend, I thought I'd share some of my favorite Super Bowl memories:

Super Bowl XX - After they dispatched of my Dolphins and became the first wild card team to win all road games to go to the Super Bowl, I really wanted the 85 Patriots to give the Bears a run for their money. As I mentioned before, I always seem to root for the underdog. Probably because of their overwhelming popularity, I was pretty tired of Jim McMachon, the Fridge, etc etc. and their Super Bowl Shuffle. Final score? Chicago 46, New England 10. No one said rooting for the underdog was easy.

Super Bowl XXV - Say 'wide right' to any sports fan and he will immediately think of this game, where Bills kicker Scott Norwood just missed a kick at the end of the game to win it for Buffalo. This was my junior year in high school, and my whole group congregated in the basement of my friend Jason's parents house. There were probably 20 or so of us crowded to watch the game and as Norwood's kick went up and just missed, we were all jumping up and down in excitement. However, there wasn't much room to do that and one of my friends ended up putting a hole in the ceiling with his head. And Norwood thought he was in pain!

Super Bowl XXX- My senior year of college in Pittsburgh and the Steelers were finally back in the Super Bowl to win 'one for the thumb', or a 5th championship since the 4 they notched in the 70s. Living in Pittsburgh was INSANE at the time-- you couldn't go anywhere without seeing black and gold or hearing people talking about it. I remember being at the grocery store when the Steelers fight song came on the music system and pretty much everyone in the store was singing right along. My roommate and I had a gang over to watch the game and it was very exciting. Alas, due to a poor special teams outing and a few interceptions, the Steelers were never much in it. Already down at halftime, the group at the house was looking for something to give them a sign of hope. And there it was- in the form of Diana Ross, the halftime performer. As Ms Ross sang her song, my friend Jen Kelly suddenly cried--'There it is... she's wearing gold............ and she's black!" Priceless.

Super Bowl XXXIV- So I had come out of the closet and suddenly found myself surronded by people who didn't know the first thing about football. I decided to throw a party we dubbed 'Super Butch' and try to get my friends excited about the game. I had to break it down to the point of explaining what a first and ten meant and that a field goal was three points as opposed to a touchdown being six points with an extra point being one. The game ended up having one of the most breathtaking finishes in history--St Louis stopped Tennesee a yard and a half shy of a tieing touchdown on the last play of the game-- but the excitement level just wasn't the same when watching the game with a group of people for whom it was the same as watching a foreign movie with no subtitles. A few weeks later, one of those friends would invite me to a party to watch the Oscars and I couldn't imagine why people would get together to watch that. Much like I'm sure they thought about getting together to watch a football game.

I'm hoping that Super Bowl XL will be added to this list when the Steelers finally get that one for the thumb. So till Super Sunday, GO STEELERS!

If You're Going to San Francisco....

We're moving! After countless drives to and from the city from Palo Alto, we found an apartment and are moving in the middle of next month. We are both very excited to be in the heading back to city life-- as lovely as PA has been, we just never quite fit in with all of the strollers and Volvo station wagons in our neighborhood.

A brief history lesson of Ben and Christian-lore: we met in 1998 during C's senior year at Georgetown, he had already accepted a job in San Francisco starting in September. Not that it mattered much; we fell in love anyway. But he moved and began another love affair of sorts; this one with the city of San Francisco. He decided in late 99 to move back to DC to see if things would work out with us, and thank goodness, they did. However, he always wanted to get back to San Francisco. Over the next years and many visits to the city, he convinced me that it would be pretty exciting to move to SF as well. So when he got into Stanford, it was great, except we had to live 30 mi. south of San Francisco in Palo Alto, not the city! Yikes...

So having lived in the hood during our years in DC and now having lived almost 2 years in the 'Burbs, the following has become even more clear in my head:

• People who live in the suburbs always say it isn't bad to drive to the city when they come in. They're lying. It sucks. Especially the driving back part.
• The grocery stores in the suburbs are a lot bigger and better stocked. Anyone who lives in Dupont Circle is well versed in the 'Soviet Safeway', that would often be totally out of milk, eggs, etc. and then force you to stand in lines that could take 15 minutes to get through. The Safeway in Palo Alto is an entire city block that has enough food to feed a small country for a month. With parking.
• People who live in the city will always think they are superior to those who don't. There's a certain street cred that comes with putting up with all the sacrifices required to live in the city that creates this air. And for the most part, they're right.
• The suburbs are safer. Two of my friends in the city have had their cars broken into and a thief chased away from breaking into their house (see aforementioned street cred). Conversely, Christian and I didn't lock our door here in Palo Alto for months on end until I finally recently insisted that we do-- you know, just because.
• City people don't really understand why people who do live in the suburbs. Countless times when I've met people in San Francisco over the past two years have simply asked 'Why?' when I said we live in Palo Alto. Despite the argument of Christian being at school in Stanford, me working close by, the weather, etc., most of the would just nod at me with a vague sense of recognition, much in the same way a child listens to their parents talk about how much harder they had it when they were younger.
• Strangely enough, stuff you need is closer by when you live in the suburbs. The city has all of the cool boutiques and the fabulous place for brunch, but as much as city people may not like to admit it, everyone has to get to Target and the like. Fact is, they and other frequent shopping needs are just closer to the suburban folks.

Despite all of the niceties of the suburbs, there are many more reasons we can't wait to get back to the city side of the equation. But I think the largest one, and the one that every city person will always have, is the sense of adventure city life entails. Suburban life has a comforting sameness, but its just not as exciting. City life has an energy, a verve, a sense of wonder the suburbs, even one as delightful as Palo Alto, can't match.

So on we go, to finally live the life we've been looking forward to for 7+ years, in San Francisco.

I Knew It All Along...

I just got done reading this book called 'Everything Bad is Good For You: How Today's Pop Culture is Actually Making Us Smarter'. Its written by an acclaimed scientific writer named Steven Johnson takes the accepted conventional wisdom that things in pop culture like video games, reality shows and the Web are bad for us and completely turns it on its head. In his last book, Johnson monitored his own brain waves and reported about how to better harness them, so no worries that this would be a piece of US Weekly fluff.

His argument centers around what he calls 'The Sleeper Curve', which says that all of the things that pop culture throws at us creates a much higher cognitive load and therefore, creates the ability to think, create, and solve at a higher level. He uses a number of examples and makes a compellingly provocative case that people maybe shouldn't worry so much about the content of what people (read: children) are consuming, but what they are doing with it and how it informs critical thinking.

Two examples he uses:

• People constantly bemoan video games and how they are no good for kids. But Johnson digs a little deeper and reveals how much thinking really goes into these games, which often take more than 40 hours to solve. He draws on the most popular video game of all time (one, I admit, I never much got into), The Sims: players must probe the virtual world, form hypothesis about what something might mean, reprobe with that hypothesis in mind and then learn if it worked or not. While kids don't necessarily think of it that way, repeating this process over and over again to get to the ultimate goal of the game is a lesson well learned. Compared to Pong or Ms. Pac-Man (which, I must admit, I still enjoy from time to time), which teach little more than pattern recognition, the Sleeper Curve shows itself.
• He compares TV shows of a generation ago to now. He takes highbrow shows such as 24 and compares it to Dragnet. As anyone who watches 24 knows, it takes all of your attention to follow along and they still find ways to completely shock you with the twists and turns of the plots. He compares this to Dragnet, which while an extremely popular show, really only had one thread that needed to be followed. Or even more recently, Dallas-- which although it had multiple storylines, the writers and directors used obvious clues in the scripts and staging to allow a viewer who wasn't paying such close attention to follow along. On the other end of the TV food-chain, he compares the dreaded reality shows like Survivor to The Love Boat. No one would characterize either show as high-brow entertainment, but even the casual viewer of Survivor would agree the storylines require a deep and thorough understanding of how the characters interact with each other and the fundamental fallacies of human nature to really follow along. As much as we loved the crew of the Love Boat, there was never much guessing about the roles they each played and what the outcome of the show would be.

There are many more examples in this quick 200-page read and I recommend it for any pop culture observer or, honestly, parents (who have the time to read!) Its refreshing to see such a solid argument against what most people commonly accept to be true.

So there-- pop culture is good for you. Us Weekly readers of the world, rejoice!

** Read a delightfully detailed review of the book by Malcolm Gladwell, of 'Tipping Point' and 'Blink' fame

To the Nth Degree

Every now and then a band comes along that makes you stop. And. Say. Oh Yeah....

This edition's version of that band is called Morningwood (get it?). Despite the sophomoric name for the band, their sound is all out fun rock n' roll, a nice break to my ear from the house music I'm usually so obsessed with. The sound calls to mind the latest craze of danceable rock a la Franz Ferdinand and the Killers, but the lead singer here is a woman who works it out. Their recently-released eponymous album is a kick in the pants from the start to finish, esp 'Babysitter' (inc. the lyric 'don't you need someone to tuck you in....your momma shouldn't let me babysit....) and 'New York Girls' (n-n-n-n-New York Girls... you know you're hot... a-a-a-a-attitude.... and that's what makes you rock!)

But the best song by far is called 'Nth Degree' and the video is even better. The song is a groovy combination of rock and disco (Smashing Pumpkins' '1979' had to be an influence here) that is fun in itself. The video starts with a record rack and as the person pulls each album cover out, its a walk through the history of music over the past 30 years. Each vignette has the members of the band in some typical video frame of the decade. Pissed off punk of the late 70s? Check. Aerobics of the early 80s? Check. Heavy metal concert videos of the late 80s? Check. Rap videos of the 90s? Check check check. They are all here, with many others and its result is deliriously genius. Watch it here and pay attention to the different ways 'Morningwood' is spelled out on the various albums.

Is it music that will be remembered 20 years from now? Probably not, but its still fun. Its this type of combining the best of different elements to make a new one (read Matt's entry on The Gorillaz, another hybrid band that is mega-popular right now) that's also happening all over the Web as well, known as 'Web 2.0'. As long as it produces results like this, may such innovation continue to prosper.

Brokeback Mountain : The Good, The Bad, and The Hot

I finally got to see 'Brokeback Mountain' right before New Year's Eve. I was pleased to see the movie held up to all of the reviews' glowing praise through my eyes. The film captured the gay experience like no other so far and will hopefully become the hit it deserves to as it opens up wider this month. I wanted to throw in a few comments, without revealing any major plot points for those who haven't seen it yet.

The good:

• Honesty: The movie does not flinch from telling the truth, whether it be to the two men's genuine and endearing love for each other, or the ill effect their dishonesty with their wives and families has on everyone involved. If more of the people who are carping about the film's pushing of the 'gay agenda' would actually see it, much of that furor would die down. There's no romanticism of homosexuality here, and the movie is better for it.
• Parents' Effect: The flashback scene where Ledger's dad takes him to see what happened to the local farmer who lived with another man is haunting in its own context. But what gay person didn't sit there and reflect on the numerous times as pre-adolescents, before any semblance of sexuality was showing, that we all were told or shown that quite simply, gay=bad? The gay jokes.... the comments about AIDS..... the lack of any visibility into any type of positive gay images.... so years later when those feelings began to manifest themselves, they needed to be quickly and quietly buried. Haunting stuff.
• Gay-Straight Relationships: In a refreshing turn, the movie took time to show how a gay man and straight woman can start a relationship and build something from that. Many of my gay friends have said they've known from day one they were gay, but it wasn't that obvious for me. I dated my share of women through college and had genuine feelings for them, which I saw on screen for the first time.
• The acting: This is the movie that should define Heath Ledger's career. He took what in many actor's hands could have been a mean-spirited, self-loathing cretin and made him a tortured soul who every gay man, or anyone who has ever had something be so right yet so wrong, will identify with in some way or another.

The bad (or not-as-good, anyway...)

• Pace: The movie is sloooooow. The first hour of the movie is very lush in its scenery and its long drawn out build up to Jake and Heath's first encounter. Things start moving faster towards the middle and completion of the film, and then were almost too fast for me. The scene where Jake's character's story is concluded was too fast and ambiguous. Overall, I would have preferred the pace to be evened out a bit.
• Sense of time: The story is told over 20+ years, but beyond Anne Hathaway's sometimes amusing wigs (read a funny blog entry charting America's history through said wigs), it was hard to get a real sense of time passing. Obviously the same actors had to play the parts across the expanse of years, but I felt a bit better job could have been done to demonstrate it.

The hot:

• Come on, Jake Gyllenhall and Heath Ledger make out! What else do you need to know?? But seriously, the release of pent up emotions and fumbling nature of their first encounter is amazingly true.

Overall, its a brilliant film. The best part about it for me is that it makes the viewer think and for many straight people in the audience, see a part of the gay experience they would have not otherwise seen. I left the movie satisfied, but the more I reflect on it and discuss it with others, the more it effects me. To me, that's what makes a powerful piece of media-- when people continue to discuss the good and bad long after its been produced.

Well, and lord knows all of us guys will be talking about the hot for sometime as well.

Re-Connection

Life has an interesting way of never turning out quite like you expect it to. I had my plans for the holidays all set-- spending a week with the family in Hanover, PA (nice, but not that exciting) and then heading up to Tahoe to join the rest of our ski house for a long weekend full of fabulous skiing over the New Years Eve weekend. And although Tahoe ended up being really fun (despite spending NYE by candlelight, as the power was out due to flooding), the real joy came from spending the week at home.

Not being home for Thanksgiving led me to book an entire week to visit for Christmas. Almost immediately after I booked my flight, I thought 'What did I just do? Christian is going to be in Asia with his Stanford friends, and I'm going to friggin' Pennsylvania? For a week!??? What am I thinking??'

Thank goodness I did. Here are some highlights from the trip, almost direct from a Garrison Keillor novel:

• I have a huge family, and had lots of time to spend, so I made the most of it. I had 2 days of Christmas shopping and getting caught up on family gossip with Mom (we'll make the Famous Hot Wiener next time!). I got to see my god-daughter's holiday pageant and marvel at the expanse of cultures she is being exposed to-- her class is like the United Colors of Benetton. I had a nearly 3 hour lunch with my Dad and Stepmom and spent a wonderful day with my crazy Baker family, where a family tradition was continued by giving me a rubber chicken (long story). I got to visit with my favorite aunt at her house (my parents now live right next door to her) for awhile and talk about religion and Christian and I having a family, things I never imagined we'd discuss. I had dinner with my sister and her family at her house, talking about all of the kids' days, and then I hung out with the kids in their playroom. Spending the amount of time at home I did helped to reveal depths in my familial relationships I hadn't seen before.
• I had a nice lunch with my brother. (at a Mexican restaraunt... in Hanover!!) I know that doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but it is. We were close years ago in college, but as we became adults, we took very different paths. You know, like I did the 'gay, big city, make my own way' thing and he did the 'straight, move home, work for Dad' thing. But at lunch and over the week, I felt a re-connection I hopet to nurture into 2006. We acted like clowns like we used to and we talked about life and family like we never did before. Like brothers are supposed to, I guess.
• I went out for dinner and drinks with one of my best friends from high school who I had not seen in 7+ years. We went to the local pub, and proceeded to sit there for about 6 hours, catching each other up on our lives, loves, jobs, etc, etc. It was a great affirmation of an outstanding friendship that had been dormant for sometime but now seems as if its been but a day since we've seen each other. Of course, re-connecting with her was wonderful and I look forward to seeing her next time I go home, but a close second for the night was witnessing a bar-fight. I was exhilarated. They just don't do that kind of stuff in the Castro.
• I got to spend a lot of time with my niece, who was visiting from Florida, and my nephews, who also live in my hometown. They're great kids and its important to me that Uncle Ben not just be 'the one who lived in California' when they look back on their childhoods.
• I was visiting this cool little trinket store in downtown Hanover that a woman who used to work in my grandfather's dress store (and was my buddy when I was very young) owns. She wasn' t there, but I ended up buying a few things, and the women who rang me up said 'Are you Ben Baker?! I haven't seen you since you were thisbig!' Turns out she's the owner's sister and she shared a story with me about my grandfather (who has been dead for over 10 years) and cousin that I had never heard. So I'm standing in a store that I go into probably every 3 years talking to someone I have no memory of meeting and she is telling me a sweet anecdote about my family. Neato.

And so it goes. If I had been home for just two days, or an afternoon as I used to when I lived in Washington, it couldn't have happened like this. Does absence make the heart grow fonder? Maybe, but either way, I had this amazing re-connection with my hometown and family that I never expected.

So the highlight of my Christmas break came from the time with my family. Like I said, life has a way of not exactly turning out like you plan. And that's a good thing.

Madonna & Me

Ahhh..... that collective sigh you hear from across the nation right now is that of gay men and Madonna fans (which, admittedly, are mostly the same crowd) after repeated listening of her new album, 'Confessions on a Dance Floor'. She leads it off with the stomping first single 'Hung Up' that infectiously samples ABBA, and keeps that tempo straight through 12 tracks. I hear influence from her entire catalogue here (Is that 'Burning Up' I hear in 'Sorry'? 'Papa Don't Preach' in 'Let It Will Be'? 'Secret' in 'Isaac'? Awesome!) and am very satisfied with the collection. (Well, mostly-- does she really feel like a dork when she's not in 'New York'?) Matt wrote earlier about 'daring' her to return to her provocative days with her next release and although there is nothing earth-shattering on it and I don't think the pope will be upset by anything in this release, its a welcome sign to see her delivering such a top-notch dance album.

I've loved her since hearing 'Holiday' on the radio on the way to the YMCA one afternoon (I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday but I remember exactly where I was in 1983 when I heard that track???) and thinking that the DJ said the singer's name was Macdonna. As with any gay man my age, her influence on my life has been pretty huge, so with that, I present my top 5 Madonna moments:

Material Girl video
Ahh, 1984-- Swim team and stickers took up most of my time, but I was also beginning to discover music. One of the best parts of going to visit my Dad every other weekend was that he had cable (we didn't get it at home until 1987!). Once we got to his house, I would bolt back to my room, turn on MTV, and be glued to the tube pretty much the whole time I was visiting. And there she was, in that iconic pink dress, singing about cold hard cash, and being carried around by a host of handsome men. Although I would be years off from understanding that those guys probably had something to do with my interest, this would remain my favorite video and song for many years to come.

Vouge
Vouge came out the summer of 1990 as we all turned 16 and my group of friends was discovering the level of freedom having cars afforded us. Whether it was going to the mall, seeing a movie or just hanging at a house, we pretty much had something to do every night that summer. One warm night, we were all packed in my car (aka "the Party Max") on the way to a carnival and stuck in traffic, inching along to get a parking spot in the field next to the firehouse. I'll never forget blasting the song over and over with my friends Bethany and Tracy hanging out of my sunroof vouging, while the rest of us in the car laughed and danced along. Years later at Bethany's wedding, she would request this song, we'd all dance to it and laugh like we were 16 all over again.

Erotica Album
The fall of 1992 had me leaving the comforts of home for the 'big city' of Pittsburgh and college. One of my first days at school, I went out wondering around the city, admiring the tall buildings and verve of the city streets, and happened upon a large record store. This was a far cry from the small shop in the mall where I grew up and I was immediately engrossed-- a forerunner to the hours I now spend in Virgin Mega-Stores and on iTunes. I bought 'Erotica' that day and although it was mostly panned by critics, it quickly became my favorite release of hers to date, and accompanied me on many long drives back and forth between Pittsburgh and Hanover. The album had it all-- the sexy and frosty sounds of title track, 'Bye Bye Baby' and 'Words'; the twirling highs of 'Fever' and 'Deeper and Deeper'; the button-pushing of 'Where Life Begins' and of course, the soulful depths of 'Bad Girl' and 'Rain'. It reminds me of a big time in transition in my life and I think still stands as her most balanced album.

Ray of Light
How can you not love this song? Combined with the video, this was Madonna returning to her roots and showing us all how it's done. (Parallels could certainly be drawn with this and 'Confessions') But it's a little thing that endears this song to me. Remember the hip movements she makes in the video when she sings 'Earth shall be as one...'? When I first met Christian in the spring of 1998, this song was huge, and one night just a few days into our relationship, we were out at a club, the song came on, and we laughingly mimicked the move. It became an inside joke between us and ended up on the CD we gave out at our wedding because of the joke. So every time I hear the song, I think of being young, falling in love, and Christian. In other words, exactly what great music should do.

'Music' Remix
So she was popular again, and she kept the good times rolling in 2000 with the release of 'Music'. We were keeping the good times rolling as well, as we were knee deep in the days of experiencing what it meant to be young and gay in a big city. Nation was the club we hit most often, and it was of the warehouse mega-club variety, where anyone who was anyone was there pretty much every Saturday night, or so we thought. One of the two or three biggest remixers of the time, Hex Hector, did a mix of the song that played off the good time lyrics 'Music... makes the people... come together...' and had some serious peaks and valleys to the beats. Whatever DJ was playing the club always seemed to play this mix at the 'right time' to get the crowd in a frenzy and send the fun factor into the stratosphere. We still go out dancing from time to time and certainly still have our share of fun, but this mix reminds me of many of those crazyawesome nights when many of the best friendships that I still have today were being forged under that giant disco ball at Nation.

So I'll keep listening to 'Confessions' and reflect over the good times her music has brought me over the years. Where will the next significant Madonna-moment be for me? I don't know, but I'm just glad she's back to making the good times music she does so well.

Logistics, Pinor Noir and Such

Anyone who knows me and Christian knows that he's the organizer and I'm.... not. We jokingly refer to me as 'the idea guy' who might say something crazy like 'We should go to Hawaii for a week', but then the next day, Christian will have multiple flight itineraries and hotel options to select from. Our wedding was a perfect illustration of this-- although I had a lot of grand ideas (it should be black-tie elegant.... we should have a martini bar..... we should have lots of color... and of course I don't want a seated buffet dinner......), if it hadn't been for all of the hours of work Christian put in, we probably would have had our commitment celebration on the back porch of our house in DC with catering from McDonald's.

From time to time, we'd have an argument about it or two, but my rationale was always something along the lines of 'but you LIKE to plan, and I don't, so doesn't it work in the end?' Details were never really my strength, and since someone else was so ready to take care of it, I just stepped back.

However, in a strange turn of events, or perhaps a bit of growing up on my part, I've taken over the role of 'Logistics Man', as I call it, of late, and I'm beginning to see what the fun of it all is. It started this summer when Christian went to New York for his internship and he told me he was frightened that they would shut off the electricity at the house because I would forget to pay the bill or they would foreclose the house because I would forget to pay the mortgage. But the summer passed without incident, including multiple travel plans I had to execute, and I was getting the hang of this stuff. But a big test came last weekend-- our best friends Phil and Ted were visiting from DC, Christian was totally socked in with school work, and Matt and Michael were going to be out of town, so who was left to make a plan for their visit? Especially for Phil, who effortlessly orchestrates rafting and ski trips for over 75 people?!!! Never fear, Logistics Man is here!

There are few things I like more than getting together good friends of mine who have never met before. It's something about the mixture of people who know me from different walks of my life and seeing what happens when they get blended together that really gives me a charge. And what better way to do that than to rent a limo and take a tour up to wine country?

Starting with the two of us and Phil and Ted, we asked Kevin and Juan to join, since they knew P&T from DC. Then to raise the interest factor just a bit more, we threw in our some our best-loved SF buds, Titus and Maria. I was pretty sure it was going to be fun, but you never know how these things will turn out-- will it be legendary fun or will there be a steely silence like at those family reunions when Uncle Larry tells the same joke he's been telling for 20+ years?

I'm happy to report all went well. We paid visit to three different wineries on our 6-hour tour and with the 'you can't sit in the same seat you did in the limo before' rule, a continual mixture of new and old friends sat next to each other. A flow of wine and fun, emotional, and silly stories filled the limo. As you can see from the picture, everyone ended up integrating nicely and it was really a great day for all involved.

As much fun as it all was, the continual 'thank you's' from people I love were even more sweet-- after all, without Logistics Man, we may well have ended up hanging out at the McDonald's all day! I'm getting that its not only the fact that you get to enjoy stuff you plan, you also get to see people you care about it enjoy and know that you helped make it happen.

I'm sure that once school settles down a bit for Christian, he will resume wanting to plan things, which will be great. But it's nice to know, if I need to, I can reach into the closet, dust off that "LM" cape, and feel confident to plan things as well.

Reason Number: Yahoo!

Many of our friends know about a sweet little 'game' C & I play, called 'Reason Number'. The way it works is one of us says 'reason number' and the other than thinks of a reason why he loves the other, the idea being that there are SO MANY reasons why, there's always something new to say. Yes, it's sappy and all of that, but it works for us and is something we've been doing pretty much as long as we've been together. (Astute guests to our wedding would have seen it in our cleverly placed in the invitations)

However, as much as I love Christian, I feel the need to write about Yahoo!, where I work, and the multitude of reasons why I like being there. But it's way more than I originally thought after quitting my job and moving across country to start my job in less than a week last summer. Paying for us to move to a place like here in the Bay Area where we had wanted to live for quite awhile indebted me to the company from the first minute I started. Yes, there is no dress code, so I can wear the proverbial shorts (which I rarely do) and flip-flops (which I always do) each day to work. I get to work around some of mad talented designers, engineers and product managers that help create all of the cool stuff you see on the site, and be on the inside track of all the amazing things happening inside the company, playing with the products before they get launched. At a more basic level, coming from working at a bankrupt airline that kept cutting salaries and benefits, having basics like stable benefits and feeling confident that I will be rewarded for my efforts is nice. The free gym is pretty nice too, and I've been able to take advantage of that much more over the last 6 months. And all of that is, as expected, truly wonderful.

But it's the much smaller things that really get me. The company really tries to make life as good as possible for us Yahoos, as we're called. Things like every Tuesday, there is an RV that rolls up on to campus offers haircuts and on Wednesday, the same set-up for a dentist. I don't know about you, but those two items are some of the things I hate doing most, so being able to get up from my chair and be at the appointment 2 minutes later, have it be done and back in my chair 2 minutes after that is pretty darn nifty. There's a free soda fountain in each building and in the cafeteria- where they have both Coke and Pepsi, to please everyone. It seems not a month goes by where I don't come in and some random, cool tsatske is on my desk promoting an upcoming event. Tomorrow is 'Oktoberfest', and today we got a glass stein, so you can probably figure out what will be served. Awesome! But it was an event last week that really prompted me to write. As you can see in the picture, in effort to promote a partnership between Y! Photos and Target, "Bullseye", was brought on to campus. (Although a little secret-- his real name was Buddy!) But of course, its not enough for them just to have him there-- there was a line-up to receive an exquisitely-designed gift bag with a stuffed version of Bullseye in it, the chance to get your photo with him, and then the next day, the printed photo was available for pick-up. Holy cow, how do they even think of this stuff, much less do it??

This isn't to say life's a dream at Y!, because it's not. Just like anywhere else, there's office politics, late hours, and deadlines that come too soon. But unlike anywhere else, they bring the freaking Target dog on campus! And that's the latest reason number why I love being a Yahoo.

Emerald City Report

C and I spent the past weekend in Seattle and here's a report:

• The view from the top of the Space Needle is a lot better when it's clear. I was in Seattle a few years ago and it was cloudy, but I insisted on going to the top because damn it, I was in Seattle and wanted to do it. No surprise, I couldn't really see anything from the top. But we had great weather this time and saw some amazing views (but sadly, no Mt. Rainier).
• It could be because we live in a place that hasn't seen rain since April, but there was greenery everywhere in Seattle! From all the different fir trees on the drive in, everything just felt so alive. I liked it.
  
• We had some TREMENDOUS meals. From a random BBQ place we found for lunch and a cute place in Capitol Hill (the gay neighborhood in Seattle) we had for dinner, the service and food was all top-notch. But, if you're ever in Seattle, don't miss Dahlia Lounge, right downtown. It had great ambiance, terrific food and service, but the best was saved for last: it's a fancy place, but on the dessert menu was *made to order doughnuts*. We order them, and about 10 minutes later, the waiter comes out with a paper bag, shakes it up, rips it open and places six warm pastries with a side of strawberry jam and vanilla spread. I have one word: divine.
• Not that I didn't know this before, but I don't like buses. Especially when we're the 7th of 8 stops. Living in enviro-friendly CA has helped me get over my general aversion to all modes of public transport, but buses are where I draw the line. If you're ever on vacation with me, please note.
  
• Although it's over-run with tourists, Pikes Market is actually kinda neat. We got to see the people throw the fish back and forth and although kitschy, it was fun. Also saw some amazingly beautiful flowers that we wish we could find here-- see a photo of the dahlias.
• The Amazon headquarters building is really cool looking. So is the Seattle Public Library.
  
• We went to see the Seahawks (that's the NFL football team for my gay readers) play at Qwest Field, which has some stunning views of the city and of the 10 or so places I've seen NFL games at, is far and away the best. We got to see the far out Grambling St. band perform at halftime and the Seahawks ended up holding on for the victory, 21-18. Go Hawks!
• It had been a really long time since Christian and I had a weekend where we were both exploring a new city for the first time, and weren't meeting friends or family on the trip, and it was awesome. From walking all over the city, shopping, all the great meals, hanging in our hotel room, shopping and lastly to the football game, it was all wonderful to be there and experience it all with him. After 7+ years, there's no one I'd rather spend my time with, no matter where I am.
  

Make Mine a Royale with Cheese

I'm pretty addicted to music. I especially like electronic music that finds ways to twist the same ol' thump-a-thump into something unexpected, but have also been trying to dig more into rock and country as of late. Today I log-on to Y! Music Unlimited and am presented with a smorgasboard of recommended albums based from my ratings of other songs and albums I've listened to and was pleasantly surprised that of the 30 or so suggested, I hadn't heard of a good 20 of them. So how do I choose what to listen to? Nothing scientific-- if I like the name of the group, or the cover art, I go for it. (Once again, I must sing the praises of the online subscription-based music service-- any music fans out there, please do yourself a favor and get hooked up with one of them NOW!)

The recommendations included acts named M83, Super Furry Animals, Cosmic Gate, Supergrass, Elbow and Casting Crows-- who are these people? I dunno yet, but I'll be sure to report back. Presented with a plethora of groovy-sounding names, I settled on a group called Mint Royale, selected simply because I loved Samuel L Jackson's line from Pulp Fiction where he talks about what they call a Big Mac in Amsterdam-- a Royale with Cheese. Plus the cover art featured two space men-looking things on a pink background. Good enough.

You ever listen to an album for the first time and just can't believe how good it is? I've now listened to their latest album, 'See You in the Morning' 4 times since 4P this afternoon. They combine elements of house, funk, dancehall, and a bit of ethereal vocals into an intoxicating mix of sounds I can't get enough of. Imagine a more soulful Deep Dish. A less breathy Delerium. A sexier Dubtribe Sound System. Stir, and dig it.

Research turns up they are a pair of blokes from the UK (of course) who met at a party held by Jockey Slut magazine-- good things HAD to come from that. They mixed some songs in the late 90s and got picked up by notable DJs across the pond like Pete Tong and Boy George. This new album is their 3rd, and by my intense sampling of this one and brief listens of the other 2, the most balanced and mature. (Again, love that a subscription service enables this quick discovery and sampling)

These songs begged to be remixed and I found that the first single of this album, 'Wait for You' apparently already has few mixes out there. My favorite is track #9, the title track 'See You in the Morning'--I can only hope that will be the next single and find its way into capable remixer's hands. The song takes me to one of my more recent happy memories-- perched up on a hill overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge and Pacific Ocean with some of my best pals here in SF, and of course, I hadn't even heard it yet then! Don't you love it when music does that? I think that's one of the reasons I love music so much-- a simple song can take you back to a certain place or time in an instant. Like last night, the Cars 'Lets Go' comes on and I'm taken back to the drive to my senior prom singing the song out loud in my mom's car with my date and friends. I literally can see my date's (hideous) red dress moving as she happily danced in her seat to it and sang 'She got wonderful eyes... and a wrist and mouth...'. Or how our wedding song, Sister Hazel's 'Ceriline' can still make me cry like I did when it was the last song played that night. And so on--good stuff.

Just when I think there's no new sounds to find out there, here comes Mint Royale. Check 'em out... and go ahead, make it with cheese.

Playing a Good (Dirty) Game

I recently read about this site-- KnowThyNeighbor.org, a deliciously devilish activist twist using the internet around the gay marriage debates. Being part of a happy, healthy relationship for 7+ years now that has included a commitment ceremony with 150 friends and family in 2001, getting a civil union in the basement of a town hall in Vermont in 2002, and (by total chance-- or not...) being in San Francisco last year for the Valentines Day weddings has made the gay marriage issue essential to me. As I hope most people know, the Massachusetts Supreme Court ruled last year that denying gay people the ability to marry simply because of the sex of their selected spouse was unconstitutional, and the state shortly thereafter became the first state in the country to allow marriage for same-sex couples. (The California legislature also recently passed a bill allowing same-sex marriages, but our governor, given the ruin the rest of his administration is currently in, is too much of a 'girly-man' to sign.)

'We' (the same-sex marriage proponents) try to take the high road as much as possible. We try to talk about love and commitment, holding up all of the wonderful examples of lesbian couples who have been together for 50+ years, same-sex couples who have opened their homes to adopted children, and the other wonderful and varied family types that make up the community. We try to have rational discussions around why tax-paying American couples like Christian and I should be allowed to be recognized by our government in the same way any old straight couple is, and the 1000+ benefits marriage brings couples that we miss out on-- mundane things like tax filings, hospital visitation, Social Security, etc. We try to stress that it isn't about taking anyone's benefits away, but opening the opportunity to many additional couples who crave the social significance the institution has, and who would try to preserve its importance. And we stress this isn't about religion--churches can decide who they marry and who they don't. We say it's about fair and equal access to the same things most people take for granted-- what could be more American than that?

And all the while, 'they' (the same-sex marriage opponents) pull out as many outrageous and 'dirty' scare tactics as possible. They use imagery and words that conjure up old pedophilic stereotypes. Bible phrases are flung around about Soddom and Gomorrah and people hold protest posters saying catchy, if empty, statements like 'God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve'. They say things like we want to wreck the 2000+ years of ground the institution of marriage is based upon and that if we are allowed to get married, then why not allow people to marry their family members, someone who is already married, or, *gasp* their dogs? It's almost like the two sides are talking about two entirely different issues.

So that what's so great about this new site. Even though same-sex marriage has been legal for a year now and more than 6000+ same-sex couples have been married, a group of 'they' in MA want to roll back marriage rights, and to do that, they need to circulate around a petition gaining enough signatures to place it on the ballot next fall. So here's where the creativity comes in-- the petition is public record, so the organizers of knowthyneighbor.org have built a website that allows people to search and see who has signed the petition. Meaning, if friendly neighbor Linda who loves coming over for coffee, appreciates the gardening tips you give and always tells everyone how 'fabulous' her gay neighbors are has signed it, you'll be able to find out and say 'Linda, I thought we were friends, what's the deal?' and so on. It's genius!! In the best case scenario, it affords the opportunity for gay people across MA to engage in dialogue with these people and give them the chance to learn why marriage benefits are so important for the strengthening of families and how all of the strong rhetoric the right is selling is really beside the point. At worst, it embarrasses these people who are selfishly hoarding a benefit all people should have equal access to, and lets us know not to give Linda anymore of those gardening tips.

Is this is a bit of a dirty play? Perhaps, but I'm betting most people signing those petitions might think twice if they think everyone at the PTA might find out about it. And the site is not about ugly name-calling or lost friendships. There's a page that includes 'talking points' which gives a bunch of stats around why same-sex marriages are a good thing, to help people engage in healthy discussions. We can't be afraid to fight fire with fire. As more people see that all we want is the same rights and privileges others have, progress will continue. And if it takes veering just a bit off the high road every now and then to get there, so be it.

Let's Hear it for the Girls (Part 2)

One of the wonders of keeping a blog is you never know who's going to read it and how they might respond. I got an email from one of my dearest friends from college who just so happens to be a woman and she said that her 14-year old stepdaughter told her that she thinks its 'cool' that she has gay friends AND that she and 'now they are on the hunt for that one boy in high school that has yet to "come out" so they can make him their fabulous friend....'

So this is amazing on a couple levels:
1) That a stepmother and daughter can say the word 'gay' out in the open without it being a big deal
2) That a 14 year old thinks its cool her stepmother has gay friends...
3) And she can tell her stepmother she is actively looking for a gay friend, already recognizing how special such a bond can be
4) That this discussion is happening in Pittsburgh, PA

So, a special 'holla!' to my favorite redhead for always being so wonderful for the 12+ years now we've known each other and for sharing this terrific story. It shows that even though some of us may not be on the front lines of the movement every day, living and loving openly can effect unmeasurable people- and finding out about every now and then is just icing on the cake. If this isn't progress, what is?