If You're Going to San Francisco....

We're moving! After countless drives to and from the city from Palo Alto, we found an apartment and are moving in the middle of next month. We are both very excited to be in the heading back to city life-- as lovely as PA has been, we just never quite fit in with all of the strollers and Volvo station wagons in our neighborhood.

A brief history lesson of Ben and Christian-lore: we met in 1998 during C's senior year at Georgetown, he had already accepted a job in San Francisco starting in September. Not that it mattered much; we fell in love anyway. But he moved and began another love affair of sorts; this one with the city of San Francisco. He decided in late 99 to move back to DC to see if things would work out with us, and thank goodness, they did. However, he always wanted to get back to San Francisco. Over the next years and many visits to the city, he convinced me that it would be pretty exciting to move to SF as well. So when he got into Stanford, it was great, except we had to live 30 mi. south of San Francisco in Palo Alto, not the city! Yikes...

So having lived in the hood during our years in DC and now having lived almost 2 years in the 'Burbs, the following has become even more clear in my head:

• People who live in the suburbs always say it isn't bad to drive to the city when they come in. They're lying. It sucks. Especially the driving back part.
• The grocery stores in the suburbs are a lot bigger and better stocked. Anyone who lives in Dupont Circle is well versed in the 'Soviet Safeway', that would often be totally out of milk, eggs, etc. and then force you to stand in lines that could take 15 minutes to get through. The Safeway in Palo Alto is an entire city block that has enough food to feed a small country for a month. With parking.
• People who live in the city will always think they are superior to those who don't. There's a certain street cred that comes with putting up with all the sacrifices required to live in the city that creates this air. And for the most part, they're right.
• The suburbs are safer. Two of my friends in the city have had their cars broken into and a thief chased away from breaking into their house (see aforementioned street cred). Conversely, Christian and I didn't lock our door here in Palo Alto for months on end until I finally recently insisted that we do-- you know, just because.
• City people don't really understand why people who do live in the suburbs. Countless times when I've met people in San Francisco over the past two years have simply asked 'Why?' when I said we live in Palo Alto. Despite the argument of Christian being at school in Stanford, me working close by, the weather, etc., most of the would just nod at me with a vague sense of recognition, much in the same way a child listens to their parents talk about how much harder they had it when they were younger.
• Strangely enough, stuff you need is closer by when you live in the suburbs. The city has all of the cool boutiques and the fabulous place for brunch, but as much as city people may not like to admit it, everyone has to get to Target and the like. Fact is, they and other frequent shopping needs are just closer to the suburban folks.

Despite all of the niceties of the suburbs, there are many more reasons we can't wait to get back to the city side of the equation. But I think the largest one, and the one that every city person will always have, is the sense of adventure city life entails. Suburban life has a comforting sameness, but its just not as exciting. City life has an energy, a verve, a sense of wonder the suburbs, even one as delightful as Palo Alto, can't match.

So on we go, to finally live the life we've been looking forward to for 7+ years, in San Francisco.

I Knew It All Along...

I just got done reading this book called 'Everything Bad is Good For You: How Today's Pop Culture is Actually Making Us Smarter'. Its written by an acclaimed scientific writer named Steven Johnson takes the accepted conventional wisdom that things in pop culture like video games, reality shows and the Web are bad for us and completely turns it on its head. In his last book, Johnson monitored his own brain waves and reported about how to better harness them, so no worries that this would be a piece of US Weekly fluff.

His argument centers around what he calls 'The Sleeper Curve', which says that all of the things that pop culture throws at us creates a much higher cognitive load and therefore, creates the ability to think, create, and solve at a higher level. He uses a number of examples and makes a compellingly provocative case that people maybe shouldn't worry so much about the content of what people (read: children) are consuming, but what they are doing with it and how it informs critical thinking.

Two examples he uses:

• People constantly bemoan video games and how they are no good for kids. But Johnson digs a little deeper and reveals how much thinking really goes into these games, which often take more than 40 hours to solve. He draws on the most popular video game of all time (one, I admit, I never much got into), The Sims: players must probe the virtual world, form hypothesis about what something might mean, reprobe with that hypothesis in mind and then learn if it worked or not. While kids don't necessarily think of it that way, repeating this process over and over again to get to the ultimate goal of the game is a lesson well learned. Compared to Pong or Ms. Pac-Man (which, I must admit, I still enjoy from time to time), which teach little more than pattern recognition, the Sleeper Curve shows itself.
• He compares TV shows of a generation ago to now. He takes highbrow shows such as 24 and compares it to Dragnet. As anyone who watches 24 knows, it takes all of your attention to follow along and they still find ways to completely shock you with the twists and turns of the plots. He compares this to Dragnet, which while an extremely popular show, really only had one thread that needed to be followed. Or even more recently, Dallas-- which although it had multiple storylines, the writers and directors used obvious clues in the scripts and staging to allow a viewer who wasn't paying such close attention to follow along. On the other end of the TV food-chain, he compares the dreaded reality shows like Survivor to The Love Boat. No one would characterize either show as high-brow entertainment, but even the casual viewer of Survivor would agree the storylines require a deep and thorough understanding of how the characters interact with each other and the fundamental fallacies of human nature to really follow along. As much as we loved the crew of the Love Boat, there was never much guessing about the roles they each played and what the outcome of the show would be.

There are many more examples in this quick 200-page read and I recommend it for any pop culture observer or, honestly, parents (who have the time to read!) Its refreshing to see such a solid argument against what most people commonly accept to be true.

So there-- pop culture is good for you. Us Weekly readers of the world, rejoice!

** Read a delightfully detailed review of the book by Malcolm Gladwell, of 'Tipping Point' and 'Blink' fame

To the Nth Degree

Every now and then a band comes along that makes you stop. And. Say. Oh Yeah....

This edition's version of that band is called Morningwood (get it?). Despite the sophomoric name for the band, their sound is all out fun rock n' roll, a nice break to my ear from the house music I'm usually so obsessed with. The sound calls to mind the latest craze of danceable rock a la Franz Ferdinand and the Killers, but the lead singer here is a woman who works it out. Their recently-released eponymous album is a kick in the pants from the start to finish, esp 'Babysitter' (inc. the lyric 'don't you need someone to tuck you in....your momma shouldn't let me babysit....) and 'New York Girls' (n-n-n-n-New York Girls... you know you're hot... a-a-a-a-attitude.... and that's what makes you rock!)

But the best song by far is called 'Nth Degree' and the video is even better. The song is a groovy combination of rock and disco (Smashing Pumpkins' '1979' had to be an influence here) that is fun in itself. The video starts with a record rack and as the person pulls each album cover out, its a walk through the history of music over the past 30 years. Each vignette has the members of the band in some typical video frame of the decade. Pissed off punk of the late 70s? Check. Aerobics of the early 80s? Check. Heavy metal concert videos of the late 80s? Check. Rap videos of the 90s? Check check check. They are all here, with many others and its result is deliriously genius. Watch it here and pay attention to the different ways 'Morningwood' is spelled out on the various albums.

Is it music that will be remembered 20 years from now? Probably not, but its still fun. Its this type of combining the best of different elements to make a new one (read Matt's entry on The Gorillaz, another hybrid band that is mega-popular right now) that's also happening all over the Web as well, known as 'Web 2.0'. As long as it produces results like this, may such innovation continue to prosper.

Brokeback Mountain : The Good, The Bad, and The Hot

I finally got to see 'Brokeback Mountain' right before New Year's Eve. I was pleased to see the movie held up to all of the reviews' glowing praise through my eyes. The film captured the gay experience like no other so far and will hopefully become the hit it deserves to as it opens up wider this month. I wanted to throw in a few comments, without revealing any major plot points for those who haven't seen it yet.

The good:

• Honesty: The movie does not flinch from telling the truth, whether it be to the two men's genuine and endearing love for each other, or the ill effect their dishonesty with their wives and families has on everyone involved. If more of the people who are carping about the film's pushing of the 'gay agenda' would actually see it, much of that furor would die down. There's no romanticism of homosexuality here, and the movie is better for it.
• Parents' Effect: The flashback scene where Ledger's dad takes him to see what happened to the local farmer who lived with another man is haunting in its own context. But what gay person didn't sit there and reflect on the numerous times as pre-adolescents, before any semblance of sexuality was showing, that we all were told or shown that quite simply, gay=bad? The gay jokes.... the comments about AIDS..... the lack of any visibility into any type of positive gay images.... so years later when those feelings began to manifest themselves, they needed to be quickly and quietly buried. Haunting stuff.
• Gay-Straight Relationships: In a refreshing turn, the movie took time to show how a gay man and straight woman can start a relationship and build something from that. Many of my gay friends have said they've known from day one they were gay, but it wasn't that obvious for me. I dated my share of women through college and had genuine feelings for them, which I saw on screen for the first time.
• The acting: This is the movie that should define Heath Ledger's career. He took what in many actor's hands could have been a mean-spirited, self-loathing cretin and made him a tortured soul who every gay man, or anyone who has ever had something be so right yet so wrong, will identify with in some way or another.

The bad (or not-as-good, anyway...)

• Pace: The movie is sloooooow. The first hour of the movie is very lush in its scenery and its long drawn out build up to Jake and Heath's first encounter. Things start moving faster towards the middle and completion of the film, and then were almost too fast for me. The scene where Jake's character's story is concluded was too fast and ambiguous. Overall, I would have preferred the pace to be evened out a bit.
• Sense of time: The story is told over 20+ years, but beyond Anne Hathaway's sometimes amusing wigs (read a funny blog entry charting America's history through said wigs), it was hard to get a real sense of time passing. Obviously the same actors had to play the parts across the expanse of years, but I felt a bit better job could have been done to demonstrate it.

The hot:

• Come on, Jake Gyllenhall and Heath Ledger make out! What else do you need to know?? But seriously, the release of pent up emotions and fumbling nature of their first encounter is amazingly true.

Overall, its a brilliant film. The best part about it for me is that it makes the viewer think and for many straight people in the audience, see a part of the gay experience they would have not otherwise seen. I left the movie satisfied, but the more I reflect on it and discuss it with others, the more it effects me. To me, that's what makes a powerful piece of media-- when people continue to discuss the good and bad long after its been produced.

Well, and lord knows all of us guys will be talking about the hot for sometime as well.

Re-Connection

Life has an interesting way of never turning out quite like you expect it to. I had my plans for the holidays all set-- spending a week with the family in Hanover, PA (nice, but not that exciting) and then heading up to Tahoe to join the rest of our ski house for a long weekend full of fabulous skiing over the New Years Eve weekend. And although Tahoe ended up being really fun (despite spending NYE by candlelight, as the power was out due to flooding), the real joy came from spending the week at home.

Not being home for Thanksgiving led me to book an entire week to visit for Christmas. Almost immediately after I booked my flight, I thought 'What did I just do? Christian is going to be in Asia with his Stanford friends, and I'm going to friggin' Pennsylvania? For a week!??? What am I thinking??'

Thank goodness I did. Here are some highlights from the trip, almost direct from a Garrison Keillor novel:

• I have a huge family, and had lots of time to spend, so I made the most of it. I had 2 days of Christmas shopping and getting caught up on family gossip with Mom (we'll make the Famous Hot Wiener next time!). I got to see my god-daughter's holiday pageant and marvel at the expanse of cultures she is being exposed to-- her class is like the United Colors of Benetton. I had a nearly 3 hour lunch with my Dad and Stepmom and spent a wonderful day with my crazy Baker family, where a family tradition was continued by giving me a rubber chicken (long story). I got to visit with my favorite aunt at her house (my parents now live right next door to her) for awhile and talk about religion and Christian and I having a family, things I never imagined we'd discuss. I had dinner with my sister and her family at her house, talking about all of the kids' days, and then I hung out with the kids in their playroom. Spending the amount of time at home I did helped to reveal depths in my familial relationships I hadn't seen before.
• I had a nice lunch with my brother. (at a Mexican restaraunt... in Hanover!!) I know that doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but it is. We were close years ago in college, but as we became adults, we took very different paths. You know, like I did the 'gay, big city, make my own way' thing and he did the 'straight, move home, work for Dad' thing. But at lunch and over the week, I felt a re-connection I hopet to nurture into 2006. We acted like clowns like we used to and we talked about life and family like we never did before. Like brothers are supposed to, I guess.
• I went out for dinner and drinks with one of my best friends from high school who I had not seen in 7+ years. We went to the local pub, and proceeded to sit there for about 6 hours, catching each other up on our lives, loves, jobs, etc, etc. It was a great affirmation of an outstanding friendship that had been dormant for sometime but now seems as if its been but a day since we've seen each other. Of course, re-connecting with her was wonderful and I look forward to seeing her next time I go home, but a close second for the night was witnessing a bar-fight. I was exhilarated. They just don't do that kind of stuff in the Castro.
• I got to spend a lot of time with my niece, who was visiting from Florida, and my nephews, who also live in my hometown. They're great kids and its important to me that Uncle Ben not just be 'the one who lived in California' when they look back on their childhoods.
• I was visiting this cool little trinket store in downtown Hanover that a woman who used to work in my grandfather's dress store (and was my buddy when I was very young) owns. She wasn' t there, but I ended up buying a few things, and the women who rang me up said 'Are you Ben Baker?! I haven't seen you since you were thisbig!' Turns out she's the owner's sister and she shared a story with me about my grandfather (who has been dead for over 10 years) and cousin that I had never heard. So I'm standing in a store that I go into probably every 3 years talking to someone I have no memory of meeting and she is telling me a sweet anecdote about my family. Neato.

And so it goes. If I had been home for just two days, or an afternoon as I used to when I lived in Washington, it couldn't have happened like this. Does absence make the heart grow fonder? Maybe, but either way, I had this amazing re-connection with my hometown and family that I never expected.

So the highlight of my Christmas break came from the time with my family. Like I said, life has a way of not exactly turning out like you plan. And that's a good thing.