"Going to the Chapel... And We're Gonna Get DP'd..."

Well, not really, but Christian and I did finally fill out the forms to be domestic partners here in California and send them away for official recognition. (For those of you who don't follow this closely, Mass. is the one state we can get married in but they don't marry out-of-staters due to a law from the early 1900s that tried to discourage inter-racial marriages (!) while VT and CT call them civil unions, and CA domestic partnerships that grant most of the in-state rights of married couples such as estate rights and hospital visitation)

It was just as I had imagined my government would recognize my relationship someday.... on a quick break from work.... squeezing into an cube of an administrative assistant at Yahoo who is also a Notary Public.... Christian wearing a Stanford sweatshirt and flip-flops and me in my polo shirt and jeans..... and when I heard the forceful stamp of the notary's stamp against the printed-from-the-internet form, I really felt that my government was doing right by me.

Uh, not quite. I'm not one to kick a gift horse in the mouth and all, but even my most optimistic description of the transaction today would equate the process to applying for a driver's license. Christian and I have been together 8 wonderful years now - and one commitment ceremony (in Washington, DC), one civil union (in Vermont), one near-marriage (in San Francisco during those glorious few days of Valentine's Day 2004 when Mayor Newsome opened up City Hall) and now a domestic partnership later, I'm left to wonder what the big deal is about just calling it a marriage and being done with it already.

In fact, the euphoria that we felt when we got to be part of those historic days in San Francisco led us to say 'Look, we're not doing this again until it's 100% legit, recognized in the municipality we live in, and we are married. Period.' But here we go again, drawn like moths to the flame of any governmental recognition. So why keep doing it? Well, it's important to stand up and be counted, I think. Call it civil union, domestic partnership, whatever, if someone is counting, I think that Christian and I should be part of it. To let people know that there are people that think, even though its pretty much marriage in everything but name to the state of California, that even those rights conferred are still important. To let people know that these increments of steps are a good thing, even if its still not enough.

Nearly 5 years out from our big event, I can truly appreciate the gravity standing in front of your friends and family and committing your love, carries-- what most people called getting married. Back then, we struggled with what to call it; some members of my family had issues with the 'wedding' word. This being 2001, before gay marriage was even a term here in the US, we called it a commitment ceremony. It was a wonderful event, hands down the best day of my life. But in hindsight, it was a wedding, and we got married, government be damned. And we should have called it that. If I asked any of my married friends/readers 'Would you rather have a civil union, domestic partnership or a marriage..?', what would they say? Separate is not equal, period.

All that said, this is still a milestone in our relationship, and one worth celebrating and noting. I'm so lucky that I get to be domestic partnered/civil unioned/married/sharing my life/whatever you call it with someone as kind, loving and generous as Christian. The labels we have or don't have or have full access to does nothing to dimish that, but I still look forward to the day we get to add a wedding certificate to our ever-growing collection of documents.